GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – The World Health Organization announced that coffee is no longer on their list of possible carcinogens, stating there was insufficient evidence that coffee may be a cancer risk.
In the same press release they also announced the addition of the website Natural News to the list.
“We have discovered, much like we did with David Wolfe, that the more people read and follow the advice given out on the website Natural News, the more likely they are to die of cancer” said Dr. Ken Hershberger of the WHO. “We recommend that all people, especially children and seniors, avoid the website at all costs.”
Mike Adams, the anti-vaccine, anti-autism, science-illiterate conspiracy nut who founded the website disagrees:
“The WHO is owned by Big Pharma and the Illuminati, every who is awake knows that. Of course they are going to tell people to avoid my website and unproven miracle cures, that’s what they’ve been ordered to do!” explained Adams. “I know how to juggle.”
Adams then headed back to his “lab” where he and his unqualified and untrained assistants continued their ongoing research into putting random things under microscopes.
If you or anyone you know has visited the site recently, it is recommended you seek immediate medical attention as you probably have cancer.