SpaceX looking for anti-vaccine volunteers for one-way trip to Mercury

SpaceX looking for anti-vaccine volunteers for one-way trip to Mercury

SpaceX, Space Exploration Technologies Corporation, is looking to fill its latest rocket with anti-vaccine zealots on a one-way mission to Mercury. “We know how much anti-vaccers hate Mercury, and we know how much rational people dislike anti-vaccers, so this was a no-brainer” said SpaceX CEO Elon Musk. “The rocket will be filled with as many […]

Traces of vaccines found on Mercury

Traces of vaccines found on Mercury

The Mercury space rover, Trace Amounts 1,recently sent back images and analyzed dust and rocks found on the surface of the planet. To their surprise, the planet seems to have traces of the MMR and Polio vaccines on it’s surface. “This is not what we expected at all,” said NASA’s Rich Pernell. “To be honest, […]

Neil deGrasse Tyson really regretting that Pluto tattoo

Neil deGrasse Tyson really regretting that Pluto tattoo

NEW YORK, NY – Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson is reportedly really regretting his now infamous Pluto tattoo on his lower back. “Look when I got the ol’ Pluto tramp stamp it was my favorite planet,” explained Tyson. “Yes, looking back on it it was probably a mistake. But that’s what happens when you spend night […]

Possible ninth planet, Planet X, really rubbing it in Pluto’s face

Possible ninth planet, Planet X, really rubbing it in Pluto’s face

CAL TECH – Astronomers and physicists at Cal Tech University have theorized the existence of a giant ninth planet, somewhere in the distant recesses of our solar system. The planet, dubbed Planet X, is estimated to be the size of Neptune and is reportedly being a bit of a dick. “We witnessed Planet X orbiting […]