CAPE CANAVERAL, FL – In a bold move in the push for scientific illiteracy, anti-vaccine zealots have started an online petition to pressure the universe to remove Mercury from the solar system.
SpaceX, Space Exploration Technologies Corporation, is looking to fill its latest rocket with anti-vaccine zealots on a one-way mission to Mercury. “We know how much anti-vaccers hate Mercury, and we know how much rational people dislike anti-vaccers, so this was a no-brainer” said SpaceX CEO Elon Musk. “The rocket will be filled with as many […]
The Mercury space rover, Trace Amounts 1,recently sent back images and analyzed dust and rocks found on the surface of the planet. To their surprise, the planet seems to have traces of the MMR and Polio vaccines on it’s surface. “This is not what we expected at all,” said NASA’s Rich Pernell. “To be honest, […]
NEW YORK, NY – Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson is reportedly really regretting his now infamous Pluto tattoo on his lower back. “Look when I got the ol’ Pluto tramp stamp it was my favorite planet,” explained Tyson. “Yes, looking back on it it was probably a mistake. But that’s what happens when you spend night […]
CAL TECH – Astronomers and physicists at Cal Tech University have theorized the existence of a giant ninth planet, somewhere in the distant recesses of our solar system. The planet, dubbed Planet X, is estimated to be the size of Neptune and is reportedly being a bit of a dick. “We witnessed Planet X orbiting […]
LOS ANGELES, CA – Controversy is surrounding the members of The Skeptics Guide to the Universe (SGU) after a recent podcast talking about our solar system. SGU is a group of skeptics which comprises such Pharma Shills as Jay and Steve Novella, Evan Bernstein and has as a regular guest the vaccine industrialist and breast-obsessed […]