GENEVA – The World Health Organization (WHO) has officially classified David “Avocado” Wolfe as ‘probably carcinogenic’. Wolfe joins the growing list which recently added red meat and being a hairdresser to the long list of chemicals, foods and jobs.
OREGON – Epidemiologists and doctors are baffled as to why the outbreak of dysentery continues to spread across all parts of the Oregon Trail despite their best efforts. “We have seen thousands of cases with no clear indication that the trend will slow down,” said epidemiologist Dr. Rick Haudas. Dysentery is an infection of the […]
The CDC and FDA have confirmed that there are now over 5 million confirmed cases of Dunning-Kruger Disease (DKD), with all 50 states reporting cases. “We regret to announce that all 50 states are now reporting several cases of DKD” said CDC epidemiologist Mark Webber. “DKD is characterized as expressing or believing that one has […]
PHOENIX, AZ – On a recent flight from Washington to Phoenix, naturopath Josh Axxe jumped out of his seat when the captain asked if anyone on board was a doctor. A passenger near the rear of the plan had begun seizing and was unconscious on the floor. The passenger also had a deep laceration on […]
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL – In a bold move in the push for scientific illiteracy, anti-vaccine zealots have started an online petition to pressure the universe to remove Mercury from the solar system.
In a recent report issued by the American Medical Association, Epidemiologist is the run away winner for sexiest medical profession. Rounding out the top 5 were Nurse, Neurologist, Surgeon and Pediatrician. “We looked at several different variables” said the AMA’s Dr. Douglas Howser. “And in every category, Epidemiologist came out on top. They are a […]