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Anti-GMO advocates shocked to learn organic food industry is “for-profit”

in Food Science by
monsanto roundup

ST. LOUIS, MI – In a breaking story making headlines across the globe, anti-GMO advocates have reportedly only just now found out that their beloved organic food industry is comprised of for-profit companies. “I’m devastated to be honest,” said Marsha Belanger of March Against Monsanto.…

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Pretentious, gluten-free, anti-GMO daughter devours gluten-filled, GMO supper and doesn’t notice

in Food Science by
gluten free

FRESNO, CA – Becky Haskell was back from college for the Thanksgiving holiday and was happy to sit down with her family for a delicious turkey dinner. She did, however, have some concerns. “I told my whole family that I no longer eat gluten or…

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Breaking: Monsanto to replace glyphosate with expired vaccines

in Food Science by
monsanto roundup

ST. LOUIS – In a breaking announcement this morning, Monsanto Company┬áhas announced that they will be replacing the main ingredient in their flagship product RoundUp (glyphosate) with expired vaccines procured from vaccine manufacturers. “Well we know both glyphosate and vaccines are toxic to humans so…

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Area man can’t grasp science of GMOs, decides he is against them

in Food Science by
HIPSTER

FAIRHAVEN, ND – Area man Russ Hatcher, 31, was concerned about GMOs and decided to do some research. After spending the better part of a week and up to 12 hours reading both anti-GMO and pro-science websites, Russ was no closer to understanding all the…

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Breaking: Monsanto plans to poison everyone with GMO bananas laced with pyridoxine

in Food Science by
gmo bananas

ST. LOUIS, MO – In a breaking story coming out of Monsanto headquarters, The Spudd has learned that the agricultural giant has been planning and testing GMO bananas which are chalked full of the chemical, pyridoxine. “I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of…

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Confused mom honestly believes organic food is healthier, doesn’t use pesticides

in Food Science by
science, health, satire, vaccines.

In what scientists are calling “one for the ages”, local mom Cathy O’Brien was shopping for her groceries at Whole Foods and all reports indicate that she truly believes organic food is healthier and that organic crops are never touched by pesticides. “Of course organic…

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