NEW YORK, NY – A new study in the BMJ has confirmed once again that there is no link between the Measles, Mumps, Rubella (MMR) vaccine and autism spectrum disorder.
“We gathered data on every child in the world who has autism and/or has had the MMR vaccine,” said lead researcher Dr. Frank Gerrard. “We found absolutely no relationship between the MMR vaccine and autism.”
Scientists, doctors and rational humans are hoping this is the proverbial nail in the coffin when it comes to vaccines and autism; alas, anti-vaccine cult members are already claiming the study is fake.
“Gimme a break, you believe this crap?” said Jake Crosby, anti-vaccine blogger. “One of the authors of this study once had a roommate who’s cousin’s girlfriend’s uncle used to work for Pfizer. This study was rigged right from the start.”
While even some anti-vaccers have moved on from the MMR-autism hoax originally orchestrated by Andrew Wakefield in order to make a bunch of money for himself, some are still hanging on.
“My son has autism – the worst possible thing that a human can have” said anti-vaccine and anti-autism advocate Jenny Kennedy. “He also had his MMR vaccine just a year before he got diagnosed. What else could it be? A bunch of people in my family also have autism but we have yet to connect it to vaccines, but I’m sure we will. Toxins, mercury, Monsanto…[trails off].”
In another related story, the same scientists also confirmed that the sky is indeed blue. The scientists concluded that “Blue light is scattered in all directions by the tiny molecules of air in Earth’s atmosphere. Blue is scattered more than other colors because it travels as shorter, smaller waves. This is why we see a blue sky most of the time.”
According to Gerrard (the author of both studies), “Autism not being related to vaccines is just as obvious as the sky being blue (minus the chemtrails of course). Neither of these things should be up for debate anymore. It’s over. Move on.”
Both studies will be available in the August issue of BMJ.
