DES MOINES, IA – Betty Zito, mom to Brandon Zito, was able to grin and bear it through an entire lunch with her son’s new anti-vaccine, naturopath girlfriend, Chelsea Clarke. Clarke is a newly trained “doctor” of naturopathic medicine and a hard-core anti-vaccer. Betty Zito, a retired nurse, was forced to smile and nod and grit her teeth through the entire hour and fifteen minute lunch.
“I love my son very much and am willing to do almost anything for him,” explained Mrs. Zito. “But this was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. When she started going on about the medical mafia and the dangers of vaccines, I almost lost it.”
For her part, Chelsea feels the lunch actually went very well. “I had a great time, Mrs. Zito is great” said Chelsea. “We had a great talk about medicine and health and I think she really likes the idea of her son dating a doctor. I also feel like I may have opened her eyes to what is really going on in medicine right now. I’m sure she was glad to have someone like me tell her, a nurse with over 35 years of experience, how the health system really works.”
While Mrs. Zito managed to make it through the entire lunch without saying anything negative towards her son’s new girlfriend, she is unsure of how long she can keep it up.
“If they stay together and one day she comes to a family dinner or something like that and starts spouting off her medical bullshittery, I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep it together.”
As of press time, Brandon and Chelsea were looking into purchasing an online PhD for Brandon in order to have two doctors with equal medical knowledge in the relationship.