GENEVA – The World Health Organization (WHO) has officially classified David “Avocado” Wolfe as ‘probably carcinogenic’. Wolfe joins the growing list which recently added red meat and being a hairdresser to the long list of chemicals, foods and jobs.
The CDC and FDA have confirmed that there are now over 5 million confirmed cases of Dunning-Kruger Disease (DKD), with all 50 states reporting cases. “We regret to announce that all 50 states are now reporting several cases of DKD” said CDC epidemiologist Mark Webber. “DKD is characterized as expressing or believing that one has […]
In a recent report issued by the American Medical Association, Epidemiologist is the run away winner for sexiest medical profession. Rounding out the top 5 were Nurse, Neurologist, Surgeon and Pediatrician. “We looked at several different variables” said the AMA’s Dr. Douglas Howser. “And in every category, Epidemiologist came out on top. They are a […]
HOUSTON, TX – A local family spoke with Fox News Houston this week saying they are not convinced vaccines are safe, as they lack any concrete evidence. “There just isn’t enough proof for me to have faith in vaccines,” explained mother Meghan Reimer. “Maybe if there was an old book saying they are safe or […]
In a breaking news release from The Daily Prophet earlier today, scientists concluded that the world of Harry Potter is actually more factual and realistic than the world Piers Morgan lives in. “When looking at Mr. Morgan’s canon of work, it is clear he lives in his own little fantasy world,” said Dr. Albus Smith. […]
Convinced that he’d finally found the cure for his long-term illness, local resident Lee Williams thanked the website “Totally Real Medicine” for his new chance at life. “It was absolutely amazing,” said Williams, who, despite suffering from his sickness for the last several years, has yet to see a doctor. “All my symptoms were there. […]