Much to the consternation of younger members of the anti-vaccine movement, Sean Segal, a prominent 80 year-old founder of the modern anti-vaccine movement keeps claiming that the mercury in thiomersal causes autism. Thiomersal was removed from all childhood vaccines over a decade ago, prompting anti-vaccine advocates to shift the blame to other vaccine ingredients. “Look, […]
Local mother Nancy Del Grande recently stumbled upon a website showing all the possible causes of death in the United States. After some quick math showed her that dying in a car accident or choking to death on food are much more likely that a serious vaccine reaction, she made the difficult choice to not […]
OREGON – Epidemiologists and doctors are baffled as to why the outbreak of dysentery continues to spread across all parts of the Oregon Trail despite their best efforts. “We have seen thousands of cases with no clear indication that the trend will slow down,” said epidemiologist Dr. Rick Haudas. Dysentery is an infection of the […]
WASHINGTON – In a breaking story coming out of Washington, officials have announced that they have found traces of the mysterious “Covfefe” in some childhood vaccines. “We expect find trace amounts of mercury, glyphosate, fetuses, all the usual stuff but not covfefe,” said a CDC official. “This is very disturbing news as we don’t yet […]
The bid for a 100% mercury vaccine was dealt a blow today as the researchers announced they were halting the study due to safety concerns. “We know that we can have upwards of 70% mercury in vaccines [as we currently do] and we were hoping to push it even higher,” said lead developer Dr. David […]
The CDC and FDA have confirmed that there are now over 5 million confirmed cases of Dunning-Kruger Disease (DKD), with all 50 states reporting cases. “We regret to announce that all 50 states are now reporting several cases of DKD” said CDC epidemiologist Mark Webber. “DKD is characterized as expressing or believing that one has […]