ORLANDO, FL – Anti-vaccine advocates are struggling to find some way to blame vaccines for the senseless violence this past week in Orlando, Florida.
Most conspiracy theorists usually find a way to tie in Big Pharma to any mass shooter, claiming they had been on unsafe medications forced on them by their evil mainstream medical doctor.
“I guarantee you that the shooter had at least one vaccine in his lifetime,” said Joel Gooding, anti-vaccer. “I’m trying to find out more about his medical history but of course the government and hospitals are denying me access to his medical records. Makes you wonder what they’re hiding, doesn’t it?”
As any good anti-vaccine zealot knows, vaccines have never, and will never, be of any benefit to anyone and only do them harm.
“Vaccines are the biggest mass shooting of all. Those shots have killed far more people than any guns ever have,” said Tim Tanner, self-proclaimed autism expert and amateur immunologist. “It’s time we abolished any and all vaccines and pharmaceuticals and put every single person who works at a pharma company behind bars.”
Several anti-vaccine groups have vowed to not stop pushing until they can find a way to blame the Orlando tragedy on vaccines; or at the very least, Monsanto.
