Chemtrails may protect against vaccine injuries, study finds

Chemtrails may protect against vaccine injuries, study finds

PROVIDENCE, RI – In a new study coming out of Brown University, researchers concluded that being sprayed with chemtrails actually has a positive effect when it comes to vaccine injuries. “We sprayed chemtrails over 3 different cities in Rhode Island and then followed children in those cities for 4 years,” said Dr. Frank Defano. “We […]

World Health Organization classifies Monsanto’s dihydrogen monoxide as “probably carcinogenic”

World Health Organization classifies Monsanto’s dihydrogen monoxide as “probably carcinogenic”

SWITZERLAND – The World Health Organization struck a huge blow against Monsanto today when they classified one of their most used chemicals, dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO), as “probably carcinogenic.” “Monsanto uses this chemical in almost everything they make and studies show that if humans consume too much of it, they will die,” said WHO spokesman Kevin […]

Merck buys out tinfoil company ALCAN, conspiracy theorists not sure what to do

Merck buys out tinfoil company ALCAN, conspiracy theorists not sure what to do

NEW YORK, NY – In a shocking turn of events, pharmaceutical and autism-causing company Merck has bought out ALCAN. ALCAN is one of the largest producers of aluminum foil and tinfoil which is used by anti-vaccine advocates, chemtrail believers, 9/11 truthers, etc. to protect themselves from government mind control. “This is a very sad day […]

Breaking: Monsanto to replace glyphosate with expired vaccines

Breaking: Monsanto to replace glyphosate with expired vaccines

ST. LOUIS – In a breaking announcement this morning, Monsanto Company┬áhas announced that they will be replacing the main ingredient in their flagship product RoundUp (glyphosate) with expired vaccines procured from vaccine manufacturers. “Well we know both glyphosate and vaccines are toxic to humans so we decided to test vaccines against fungus and insects as […]

Area man can’t grasp science of GMOs, decides he is against them

Area man can’t grasp science of GMOs, decides he is against them

FAIRHAVEN, ND – Area man Russ Hatcher, 31, was concerned about GMOs and decided to do some research. After spending the better part of a week and up to 12 hours reading both anti-GMO and pro-science websites, Russ was no closer to understanding all the science behind GMOs. “I still don’t know what mutagenesis is, […]

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