World Health Organization classifies Monsanto’s dihydrogen monoxide as “probably carcinogenic”

World Health Organization classifies Monsanto’s dihydrogen monoxide as “probably carcinogenic”

SWITZERLAND – The World Health Organization struck a huge blow against Monsanto today when they classified one of their most used chemicals, dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO), as “probably carcinogenic.” “Monsanto uses this chemical in almost everything they make and studies show that if humans consume too much of it, they will die,” said WHO spokesman Kevin […]

Anti-GMO advocates shocked to learn organic food industry is “for-profit”

Anti-GMO advocates shocked to learn organic food industry is “for-profit”

ST. LOUIS, MI – In a breaking story making headlines across the globe, anti-GMO advocates have reportedly only just now found out that their beloved organic food industry is comprised of for-profit companies. “I’m devastated to be honest,” said Marsha Belanger of March Against Monsanto. “Next thing you’re going to tell me that the alternative […]

Alternative news sites completely reliable, according to study by alternative news sites

Alternative news sites completely reliable, according to study by alternative news sites

LOS ANGELES, CA – Alternative media and health/science websites are becoming more and more popular as more people become frustrated with the “mainstream” media rhetoric. InfoWars, Natural News and Breitbart News teamed up for a study during the election and found that sites such as theirs were significantly more reliable than mainstream media outlets like CNN, WebMD […]

Merck buys out tinfoil company ALCAN, conspiracy theorists not sure what to do

Merck buys out tinfoil company ALCAN, conspiracy theorists not sure what to do

NEW YORK, NY – In a shocking turn of events, pharmaceutical and autism-causing company Merck has bought out ALCAN. ALCAN is one of the largest producers of aluminum foil and tinfoil which is used by anti-vaccine advocates, chemtrail believers, 9/11 truthers, etc. to protect themselves from government mind control. “This is a very sad day […]

Breaking: Monsanto to replace glyphosate with expired vaccines

Breaking: Monsanto to replace glyphosate with expired vaccines

ST. LOUIS – In a breaking announcement this morning, Monsanto Company has announced that they will be replacing the main ingredient in their flagship product RoundUp (glyphosate) with expired vaccines procured from vaccine manufacturers. “Well we know both glyphosate and vaccines are toxic to humans so we decided to test vaccines against fungus and insects as […]

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