NSA to focus spying efforts on alternative medicine practitioners, continue to get CIA help with assassinations

NSA to focus spying efforts on alternative medicine practitioners, continue to get CIA help with assassinations

WASHINGTON, DC – The National Security Agency (NSA) announced today that they would be shifting some of the focus of their spying tactics to focus more on alternative medicine practitioners and salespeople.

At the same time, they also confirmed they would continue to work closely with the CIA and their black ops division to continue the assassination of lesser known alt med “doctors”.

“We already have enough information on the general public, so we are going to focus our efforts on those who may pose a threat to our Big Pharma and Illuminati overlords,” said NSA spokesmen “Brill”. “We will also continue to utilize the good people of the CIA Blackbriar program to wipe out some alt med people who no one has really heard of.”

It is a well known “fact” among conspiracy theorists and anti-vaccine cult members that the gubmint, under the orders of Big Pharma, has been systematically assassinating alt med practitioners. Admittedly, they only seem to be going after ones which are not widely known.

“There have been numerous anti-Big Pharma mavericks murdered in the past two years! Wake up!” said TruthKings. “I mean sure, some of them were made to look like natural causes or accidents, but if you look hard enough you can come up with a fairly plausible conspiracy for almost all of them.”

As of press time, the biggest alternative medicine salespeople and anti-vaccers still remain un-assassinated like Joseph Mercola, Sherri Tenpenny, Mike Adams, etc. which is a fact glossed over by conspiracy theorists.

“Whatever. They have killed people who dared go against the mainstream and encourage people not to be sheep….and sell miracle cures that work. FACT” said Truth Kings. “I’m surprised they haven’t hacked our website or started taking out our crack team of journalists to be honest.”

So if you are a lesser known anti-vaccer who also claims to have a miracle cure that “they don’t want you to know about”, you better sleep with one eye open.