MIAMI, FL – In the sun and sand of Miami, Florida the who’s who of alternative medical healers held their annual meeting to create new diseases and of course new ways to cure them. The 3 day conference also focused on which vaccine ingredients to blame for autism and other conditions, the best fluoride-removal sysytems to sell on your website and how to convince people that oxygen and water are worth paying for.
The panel consisted of Sherri Tenpenny, Vani Hari, David Wolfe, Billy DeMoss, Josh Axe, Joe Mercola and Mike Adams just to name a few.
“This was a great weekend. We probably accomplished more in 3 days than conventional doctors accomplish in their entire career,” laughed Dr. Josh Axe, dreamboat. “The breakthrough of the meetings was the discovery of Chronic Fifths Disease, or CFD. Children who get Fifths disease can get it over and over again and it can very hard on both the child and parents alike. We also managed to develop a treatment for it as well.”
Fifths disease is a viral infection caused by parvovirus B19 which can cause redness on the face, mild fever, occasional vomiting and a runny or stuffy nose.
“Sufferers of Chronic Fifths Disease (CFD) will continue show these symptoms for years, minus the redness and rash,” said Dr. Sherri Tenpenny. “Many people who have CFD don’t even know it and will continue to have mild fevers and runny noses for years on end. CFD is caused by overloading the immune system at a young age through the exposure to neurotoxins in vaccines.”
The healers at the meeting discussed several possible cures for CFD and eventually settled on a CFD detox kit and Vitamin O.
“We developed the first known treatment for CFD and will begin selling the detox kits on our online stores within a few weeks,” said Billy DeMoss, chiropractor. “You’re welcome world.”
Despite its name, Vitamin O is not actually a vitamin. According to manufacturers, Vitamin O is de-ionized water infused with sodium chloride and “extra” oxygen. In other words, salt water. David Wolfe has produced his own unique formula for Vitamin O which he calls Liquid Oxygen. It is unclear whether or no the product must be kept at -183 degrees Celsius (the temperature required for oxygen to be in liquid form).
“Liquid Oxygen allows the body to absorb oxygen from the water and get it straight into the red blood cells. You will feel more energized, happier and never get sick again,” says Wolfe. Again, it is unclear how humans are able to extract oxygen from water without gills.
“If you or someone you love has the occasional low grade fever and runny nose, you are most likely suffering from Chronic Fifths Disease, a vaccine-injury. You should immediately be detoxed and begin a diet high in oxygen,” says Vani Hari, Food Babe.