Alt med practitioners much quicker to solve Zika crisis than mainstream doctors

Alt med practitioners much quicker to solve Zika crisis than mainstream doctors

LOS ANGELES, CA – While the CDC and WHO announced that it may take months to get the answer behind the apparent link between Zika virus and microcephaly in Brazil, alternative medicine practitioners announced that they have already solved the case and are now offering cures.

“The CDC and WHO are so comically inept that they can’t even solve this without resorting to “science” and conducting studies,” laughed chiropractor Billy DeMoss. “We know this was caused by either vaccines or Monsanto, case closed. We (alternative medicine) have already confirmed it and are even curing people already.”

Chiropractors, Naturopaths and Homeopaths have all agreed that the microcephaly happening to children in Brazil is a result of vaccination and a larvacide which may have had something to do with Monsanto at one point. Luckily, they have also found the cure.

“Usually microcephaly is caused by a spinal malformation in the mother,” explains DeMoss. “With proper chiropractic technique and supplements, it can be prevented.”

Billy is not alone in his belief that microcephaly can be prevented by alternative means, as homeopaths have also come out with a cure.

“While I don’t believe that Zika Virus is causing microcephaly (although that is what they want us to believe) I can still offer hope and comfort to my patients in the form of homeopathic remedies for Zika,” explained Dana Ullman, homeopath and Kangol hat wearer. “Clients can either take the remedy before they travel to places with Zika virus or they can take it after they get the virus as well. If that doesn’t work, I also sell treatments for microcephaly.”

The CDC and WHO are insisting it is prudent to find out if Zika virus is a causal factor in microcephaly and are doing their due diligence with two case control studies, the results of which will be available in a few months.

“They are wasting their time and money” said Mike Adams of Natural News. “I already broke the story that microcephaly is being caused by vaccines and Monsanto. Of course the mainstream media and mainstream medicine won’t listen, just because I have no proof. It’s a scary time to live in America.”