World Health Organization classifies Monsanto’s dihydrogen monoxide as “probably carcinogenic”

World Health Organization classifies Monsanto’s dihydrogen monoxide as “probably carcinogenic”

SWITZERLAND – The World Health Organization struck a huge blow against Monsanto today when they classified one of their most used chemicals, dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO), as “probably carcinogenic.”


“Monsanto uses this chemical in almost everything they make and studies show that if humans consume too much of it, they will die,” said WHO spokesman Kevin Sennapithy. “Along with red meat, we must classify this chemical as probably carcinogenic.”

Monsanto admits to using DHMO is several of their pesticides and herbicides and concedes that it may even be found in some of the food that makes it to your table.

“It is true: we cannot say for certain that there is no chance DHMO will be in the food you eat,” said Monsanto CEO Lucifer Diablo. “But as long as we keep making money who really cares?”

Several anti-GMO advocates are obviously outraged that Monsanto are are using this as more evidence to go against the agricultural giant.

“There has been little to no long-term studies of DHMO,” said anti-GMO advocate Vani Hari. “Also, I have trouble pronouncing those words, so you shouldn’t be ingesting it anyway.”

A rally is being organized by March Against Monsanto for early next month.



  • Keith Alan Castillo

    Kevin Sennapithy is stupid, because DHMO is Dihydrogen Monoxide, 2 Hydrogen 1 Oxygen, H2O. DHMO is Water. 70% of YOUR body is DHMO.

    • Jonathan Marquard

      Thats the joke. Even though it is water, you can use all the standard “it is poison” “arguments.”
      It is one of the most dangerous chemical on the planet (in fact probably the most dangeorus by a very far margin), especially for children. It is the 3rd leading cause of death in the world and in many countries it is the leading cause of death for young children.
      It is used (in fact the main ingredient) in floor cleaners. rat poison and round up and it can be used to dissolve basically anything, say iron (given enough time), yet it is also in orange juice.

      And so on and so forth.

    • Kevin John Hannon

      Apparently humor is lost on Keith Alan Castillo.

    • Chris

      So you have missed the joke that has been online for over two decades? See:

      It is a poke at the scientifically illiterate who say that nothing should contain chemicals. Also, you seemed to have failed to read the three little words under this page’s title placed both on the top and bottom of the page: science, health, satire.

  • George

    Dude DHMO is deadly! Every living thing that consumed it, died! It’s a proven fact! I’m so mad with Monsanto about taking DHMO from the list!

  • AntieQ

    I’m addicted to DHMO!

  • Jon Smith

    I used DHMO to clean the gears on my bicycle yesterday. Why would we want to drink a bicycle gear cleaner? Disgusting.

  • popkorn520

    I still prefer the more correct term hydrogen hydroxide, dangerous stuff though.

    • John Vice

      That’s less correct.

  • SteveB

    I prefer my DHMO with a little lemon….

  • LW

    Both Donald Trump and Ted Cruz have advocated for the use of DHMO as an instrument of torture. How much more of a smoking gun do you need?

  • titan

    DHMO comes out from the propulsions of planes.

    • Anon

      CHEM TRAILS!!1!

  • Kalem Tysick

    DHMO kills more people anually than at least three kinds of cancer, now it kinda sort maybe might possibly cause it-ish?!
    Why would this be allowed?!?!?!?!

  • The next round of DHMO is on me!

  • Skinnydipper

    I’m sure everyone is aware that DHMO is only one atom away from DHDO! And you all know what that means!

  • Aad Groeneveld

    All lies from Big Water! Sometimes we just need it, no matter how full of chemikillz it is!

  • Barnyard Mare

    Of course you will die from DHMO if you go under and cant get up out of it in time. OR if you get caught under frozen DHMO. Geez

  • Gabe Manasseh

    DHMO isn’t safe to breathe, so why would you want it in your food?!

  • granslam

    The validity of this article is suspect. What Monsanto rep would ever say, and I quote from the article, “It is true: we cannot say for certain that there is no chance DHMO will be in the food you eat,” said Monsanto CEO Lucifer Diablo. “But as long as we keep making money who really cares?” And, of course, the ‘Lucifer Diablo” is a reference to the DEVIL, not the CEO of Monsanto. I call BS.

    • Chris

      The validity of your reading comprehension is suspect. You obviously failed to read the three little words under the page title at the top of this page.

      Read them out loud very slowly, and then come back to us with your cogent interpretation.

    • Kevin

      Nice attempt as using your brain. DHMO is commonly called water. Also names like Lucifer and Diablo should give you a hint along with the word satire on the top of the page. Think and educate yourself more.

    • granslam

      Sorry guys. You’ve shamed me. I fell for the hoax. What can I say? I bow my head in disgrace.

  • tahoe967

    If Vain Hair says it’s bad then it has to be bad! I refuse to ingest dihydrogen monoxide for the rest of my life which might be shortened! 🙂

  • saganhill

    I’m watching that comedy “Ghost adventurers” and was wondering to myself if they know about this?

  • Allen Clark

    Hmm, two hydrogens, one oxygen sounds like H2O by another name. Terrible stuff.

  • Galin McMahon

    This is called ‘poisoning the well.’ You make up a story that is so ridiculous that the opposite has to be true. Just stop poisoning our food.

    • mrdavidjohnson

      Get a life you dolt

  • Andrew Vanderschaaf

    are are
    Cannot pay attention to the article after this point. Grammar reflexes

  • Basalat Raja

    So Monsanto now owns dihydrogen monoxide. And we’re not supposed to worry about their lobbying power? While trying to make fun of us, you’ve actually touched on the heart of the real problem.

  • David

    can you correct the copy text before you re-date these to show up in feeds each time?