SWITZERLAND – The World Health Organization struck a huge blow against Monsanto today when they classified one of their most used chemicals, dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO), as “probably carcinogenic.”
“Monsanto uses this chemical in almost everything they make and studies show that if humans consume too much of it, they will die,” said WHO spokesman Kevin Sennapithy. “Along with red meat, we must classify this chemical as probably carcinogenic.”
Monsanto admits to using DHMO is several of their pesticides and herbicides and concedes that it may even be found in some of the food that makes it to your table.
“It is true: we cannot say for certain that there is no chance DHMO will be in the food you eat,” said Monsanto CEO Lucifer Diablo. “But as long as we keep making money who really cares?”
Several anti-GMO advocates are obviously outraged that Monsanto are are using this as more evidence to go against the agricultural giant.
“There has been little to no long-term studies of DHMO,” said anti-GMO advocate Vani Hari. “Also, I have trouble pronouncing those words, so you shouldn’t be ingesting it anyway.”
A rally is being organized by March Against Monsanto for early next month.