Anti-vaccers petition to have Mercury removed from solar system

Anti-vaccers petition to have Mercury removed from solar system

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL – In a bold move in the push for scientific illiteracy, anti-vaccine zealots have started an online petition to pressure the universe to remove Mercury from the solar system.

“The devastating health effects of Mercury are widely known, from autism-causing vaccines to causing all kinds of cancers from tooth fillings” explained mommy blogger Kate Hermian. “It’s time for this madness to end. It’s time for them to remove Mercury once and for all.”

The sentiment echoes past anti-vaccine arguments surrounding the use of thimerosal in vaccines. Thimerosal was removed from all childhood vaccines by 2001, even though a large study and risk assessment of thimerosal use in childhood vaccines published in Pediatrics “found no evidence of harm from the use of thimerosal as a preservative, other than redness and swelling at the injection site.”

“We know what the so-called “experts” and “science” says about mercury in vaccines and it’s link to autism. We choose not to believe it” said Hermian. “And another thing, why has the universe or NASA never done a solar-system-with-Mercury vs solar-system-without-Mercury study? What are they so afraid of?”

The online petition has over 1000 signatures so far, and the signatories are hoping to catch the attention of NASA officials.


  • MisterLiteral

    I am so glad this is happening. We, as a world together, need to address the concerns of how toxic Mercury is. Do your own research and wake up sheeple!

    • harryspaz

      It’s so sad that you needed a disclaimer for your comment.

      • Adam

        I was going to write something along the lines of “if you have to explain a joke…”, but yours is mo’ bettah…

    • Jojo Brosiff

      Go to Mercury on vacation and there’s free radiation.

    • Jesse James Richard

      Amazing use of the word sheeple BTW.

    • AutismDad

      Yea thats some gold standard BRAINFART.

  • Rhett J D.

    Rofl welcome to the planet earth a world full of ignorant people

  • Josh Nelson

    lets just board em up on a rocket and send em to mercury and be done with the stupidity

    • Anders Jackson

      Oh, and start a new religion? The “Mercuriatology”? 🙂

  • Dean Farrell

    Also, Classic Rock radio needs to stop playing Queen, whose vocalist was named Freddie Mercury!

    • So you’re anti-vax, anti-mercury and anti-monarchism. You hit the hat-trick!

  • SrDonJudas

    isn’t it those fake notices? no? sure?

  • gfd

    I doubt the how legitimate this article is, but I also really want it to be true at the same time.

  • If it weren’t for the calendar on my wall I could almost swear we were still in the dark ages.

    • Katya Sokolova

      Psh, the dark ages were all about the mercury.

  • Marcelo S Lombardo

    Are they for real? Seriously? It´s actually a sign of schizophrenia to deny a part of reality just because you don´t like it/don´t know what to do with it. Even if they do hate Mercury as a mineral (it is a mineral right?), it is ridiculous. If it did kill, Mercury won´t stop even if the planet looses it´s place in the Solar System… you know that right?

    And by the way, It is quite like: “I hate dropping things, so prohibit gravity…”

    • Anders Jackson

      Pst, check out the world “satire”. 😉
      And while you are at it, check out the “periodic system” and “mercury” at wikipedia.

  • Steven James Ramey

    Please tell me this is another jab at anti-vaxers and not something that is actually happening..

    • Adam

      Satire. But I like how you think

  • Ronnie Solbakken

    I think we should remove Earth tbh, so as to prevent global armageddon. There can’t be armageddon if the planet is not there to experience it. 🙂

    • Don’t worry I believe sometime in the future it will be removed when we destroy ourselves.

  • Christopher Hickie

    You need to also consider the removing the Phoenix Mercury from the WNBA.

  • cocoz28

    We also need to ban Dihydrogen Monoxide as this is a very dangerous chemical compound as well.

    • Adam

      Nine out of ten Drowning Victims cannot be wrong

      • Only nine?

        • Anders Jackson

          Tenth being anti-vaxxers that done their own reading up on the subject?

    • Katya Sokolova

      It’s the leading cause of flooding and tsunamis! Think of the children!

    • Bob

      Didn’t Orange County Florida council ban Di-hydrogen Monoxide use in Styrofoam cups ? We should push more city council’s to do the same.

  • LazyReader

    Fuck Mars……..we need expeditions to Venus, where all the women are at.

  • William J. Ryan

    This is an outrage!!! For the last 3,000 years we’ve had Mercury in our universe and me and my bruncle is just finding out now! And why ain’t nassaw doin nothin?

    • JR Ssb Sharkey

      “Why ain’t nassaw doin nothin”

      Holy double negatives batman. You make no sense

      • Anders Jackson

        Pst, check up on “satire”. 😉

  • Fifty Something

    You can take Mercury and shove it up Uranus intra-Venusly where it will Mars you and Earth for life!

  • Tomfom

    So, the self righteousness of the left has gotten so bad that they take a side they don’t agree with, that they consider a stance based on grounds that they think are unfounded, and regardless of any valid concerns someone might have lump everything together with this type of satire rather than discussing the issue. Just for a moment, pretend everything you know has been told to you by people you trusted, including the perceived evidence to back up those topics that they have told to you. And further suppose that even the perception of evidence you have witnessed with your own eyes is colored by that which you have been taught to accept more readily in the past. After you ponder these scenarios, write it down in a book, and title it “Your Life”. Aptly named, for sure.

    • Paula Ledbetter Graves

      Last time I checked, Republicans, Independents, Green Party, and Tea Baggers, vaccinate their children too and they all agree that you are the one who is misinformed.

    • Rhett J D.

      Its not a political thing stop puling that nonsense into it as well

    • AutismDad

      WOW how about posting something NOT nonsensicle? Talk about Blah Blah.

    • marytg

      when you child dies or is sterile because you did not vaccinated. you can blame Mars

    • adsicks

      Even anti-corporate types give corporations the trust make massive profits off of vaccinations….

  • Ben Jones

    While we’re at it, if we petition to get rid of “Uranus”… does that mean all the anti-vaxxer “a**-holes” will disappear too??? 😉 😉

    • Hypocrite Detector

      One can hope!

  • Stephen Bates

    I hear they also want to ban Trans Lunar Injections.

  • kasualobserver

    is there no other cause for these people to fight for? it’s not like the vacs are made from the planet. it’s a name..period. what’s next on the hit list? petition to get the truck name avalanche deleted because avalanches cause deaths?

    • JR Ssb Sharkey

      Obviously satire is too much for u to handle

    • Mr. Grogg

      Watch, as the joke flies over your head….. There it is!! Waaaaaaaaaaaay up in the sky!

  • AutismDad

    Another lame dud from Spud. Get a real job.

    • Peter Foster

      Anything that makes fun of the delusional antivax nutters and their crazy ideas has to be good.

    • Sia


  • marytg

    these people should not be allowed to bread

    • Villemar

      I’ll toast to that!

      • Mr. Grogg

        I see what you did there…

  • Liz Moore


  • Pingback: Skeptics Guide to the Universe conveniently glosses over Mercury when discussing the universe | The Spudd Times()

  • Irena M Varela

    Do what you must! But stay away from Freddie! Consider yourself warned!

  • Irena M Varela

    BTW: people who have no idea what “satire” is shouldn’t be allowed to comment here. IMHO

  • Pingback: Possible ninth planet, Planet X, really rubbing it in Pluto's face | The Spudd Times()

  • I really thought this was #theonion

    • Kyoko Sakata

      I wish it was!

  • Jurgan

    Kate “Hermian.” Nice…

  • Ellen H.

    Whew, glad this is satire. However, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the antivaccers did do that.

  • Mike Stevens

    On 22nd April, a committee of the International Astronomers Association met with antivaccine protesters in Moscow and Cologne.
    Agreement was reached on the basis of the “Precautionary Principle” to remove Mercury from the solar system by 2017. Some antivaxers expressed doubts that this removal would be complete, and said that even if the planet was removed, it would leave a homeopathic imprint in the Oort cloud that would contaminate the remaining planets for generations to come. Some stated they felt cosmologists would cheat, and not remove Mercury, but downgrade it to a Trans-Neptunian object.
    There was agreement however among antivaxers that Martian autism rates will reach 2 cases for every creature on the planet by 2020.

  • gelu ciudin

    Ironically, in about 1 billion years, Mercury will be forced out of the Solar System, so all they have to do is wait

  • Well we do need to get rid of Mercury… how else are we going to get the materials for our Dyson sphere?

  • Icebiker3

    As a true believer, I believe this should be done. I invite everyone to visit my totally natural website and buy up tons of wonderful natural, organic medicines from me, we are having specials on Asbestos dust to keep babies behind from burning (much better than talc), and of course that all-time favorite, Arsenic Tea. MMMMMMMMMMMMM!

  • larryg

    This is the stupidest thing I have heard of yet. If you remove mercury from the balance of the solar system. Bye bye Earth. That will shut them up no air, frozen water, dead planet.