Biologists observe Anti-Vaccers making tools, solving simple problems at area Zoo

Biologists observe Anti-Vaccers making tools, solving simple problems at area Zoo

SAN DIEGO, CA – Researchers at the San Diego Zoo observed some exciting behavior from the Anti-Vaccer enclosure this week: the mammals were observed making tools to open coconuts, exhibited some social behavior and solved some simple geometric problems.

“We never knew Anti-Vaccers (Illiterus scientificus) were capable of this type of behavior, especially given the small size of their brains” said biologist Dr. Dick Hawkins. “We are very excited about this news and will continue to monitor them closely.”

The anti-vaccine rights group PENIS (People for the Ethical Nurturing of Illiterus scientificus) are protesting against the zoo and their enclosures.

“Anti-vaccine mammals are not here for our enjoyment and amusement,” said PENIS member John Stone. “I understand they are fun to look at and watch them try to solve problems and such, but they are still living, breathing mammals and deserve our respect.”

Researchers at the zoo insist that Anti-Vaccers kept in captivity have a better life than those who live in the wild, who often hurt themselves or others by not getting vaccinated or convincing others not to vaccinate.

The Illiterus scientificus can be observed 7 days a week between 9am and 7pm.

  • Christopher Hickie

    Meanwhile in a neighboring enclosure, paleus cardiologicus and his mate quackus chiropracticus continued to eat and fling their own excrement at visitors.

    • Praktik

      False equivalence on the cardiologist analogy but this is counterbalanced by being spot on about chiros

      Partial score

      • Christopher Hickie

        Beg to differ. The “Drs. Wolfson” show a much lower level of intelligence than the average anti-vaccer (http://www.evernote.com/l/AA8D3pNjQslETIwp3l1jE-kFdATV4-J08TQ/). Maybe they should be classified as invertebrates.

        • Praktik

          Haha I stand corrected! Sorry thought you were maligning “normal” cardiologists… Lol

    • Never heard of this guy before, but I’m glad I have, he and his wife are hilarious. Gotta wonder if he believes the BS he is preaching or if he’s found a lucrative marketing niche to exploit. Either way, idiot or jerk, he’s funny. Dangerous, but funny.

      • AutismDadd

        The Spudd the site for clowns and goofs.

  • Anacaona

    GOLD!

  • David N. Andrews MEd, CPSE

    A brilliant anthropological article.

  • Curtis

    That was hilarious.

  • atomikrabbit

    They’re also suspected of mating with Antinukus Loonis.

    • WORSEKarma

      When this happens their offspring are a new subspecies: Snowflakus Specialii.

      • Kimberly Collins

        You win the internet.

  • Uniscorn

    “Illiterus scientificus”
    Hahaha!

  • gelu ciudin

    did they learn that, by smashing two stones into each other on top of dead plants, a strange red thing that makes a lot of heat suddenly occurs?

  • Dr. A. Cannara

    Get them iGadgets and onto Twitter, fast!

  • You do know studies show people who don’t vax (which doesn’t automatically make them “antivax”) are more well educated than those who do vax right?

    “We found that children of less educated mothers and children in Hispanic and non-Hispanic Black families with low income-to-poverty ratios were more likely to have completed the 4:3:1:3 series. ”
    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1781415/

    • Chris

      So what? Those with “more” education usually have it something not related to science, and more than likely have Dunning-Kruger Syndrome. Fortunately the relative number of those human parasites that depend on their community’s immunity are much fewer than than the responsible families that vaccinate.

      Unfortunately trying to depend on others vaccinating does not always work, and this little boy now has to learn how to walk again. Though his parents were much more lucky than this Spanish family.

      • Chris, you’re not basing that opinion on actual evidence. Where is the study that shows parents with science -related degrees vaccinate more/less? You can’t pull an opinion out of your ass and expect it to be taken seriously.
        Further, speaking as a family who no longer vaccinates and is in a group of over 5000 families who also don’t, families who don’t vax don’t rely on anyone else to vaccinate for their own health. They couldn’t care less what you decide to inject.
        Lastly, whipping out anecdotes doesn’t work. Do you know how many people I personally know whose children have been permanently disabled or have died as a result of vaccination? The group I’m in of over 5000 is mostly made up of parents whose children suffered severe adverse reactions. I know more kids who’ve been injured or killed by vaccines than I do kids you’ve been injured or killed by the diseases we vaccinate for.
        So again, anecdotes are useless here. What parents really want is quality, independent, vaccine safety studies to base their opinions on.

        • Chris

          This is a satire site. Just be glad I was halfway civil.

          “Lastly, whipping out anecdotes doesn’t work. Do you know how many people I personally know whose children have been permanently disabled or have died as a result of vaccination”

          More anecdotes are not better, especially since you did not supply any kind of verifiable evidence.

          “I know more kids who’ve been injured or killed by vaccines than I do kids you’ve been injured or killed by the diseases we vaccinate for.”

          That is because the majority of people vaccinate, therefore you see fewer diseases. Plus I doubt you personally know every child in your country, much less on this planet. This is the type of Htrae based logic that provides fodder for this website.

          • That’s the point Chris, they are anecdotes, meaning you can’t convince people with them (like you tried to do). By bringing up my anecdotes it was showing you that anyone can bring up a story, but we can’t use them to base opinions on (like you were trying to convince me to do). What it really comes down to is quality, independent research.

          • Chris

            “hat’s the point Chris, they are anecdotes, meaning you can’t convince people with them (like you tried to do)…”

            So what? I just made a comment, and included two stories where “hiding in the herd” did not work. This is a satire site, I know I can’t convince the intended objects of ridicule of anything.

            What is hilarious is that you countered with more “anecdotes”, which was actually just a blatant assertion. Oooh.. you have five thousand stories that are stored somewhere next to Carl Sagan’s garage dragon. Good for you. I don’t really care.

            Here is what you need to do: produce the PubMed indexed studies by reputable qualified researchers that show any vaccine on the present American pediatric schedule (or the schedules used in your country) causes more harm the diseases. The concept you need to learn about is “relative risk.”

            If you don’t like the studies that are available, then design the one will satisfy you, make sure it conforms to the Belmont report, get it approved by an Independent Review Board, then write a grant to get if funded. Send that grant to SafeMinds, the Dwoskin Familly Foundation, Generation Rescue, Erwin Alber, etc and go get it done!

            We all anxiously await your profound results.

          • Chris, the fact this is a satire site has no bearing on the fact you tried to make a serious argument in your comment using anecdotes. Again, you just don’t seem to get that the point of bringing up my anecdotes was to show you that anyone can tell a story. It’s not offered as proof, but as an example. Hope you understand that now.

            I’m well versed in relative risk, thanks though. I already answered above the crazy notion that the public should be forced to create safety studies themselves that the government should have already done decades ago, so I’ll just repost it:
            The public most definitely should not have to try to do a study themselves – that is utterly ridiculous – especially given that parents are coerced into vaccinating their children. If the government, or fanatical vaccine zealots, want parents to vaccinate their children, they need to provide the necessary safety studies to prove to parents they aren’t causing more harm than good by following their guidelines.

          • Chris

            Yawn. You seem to like to spend other people’s money by demanding they do the study that would satisfy your particular requirements. Again, go find your five thousand friends and do your own study.

            Until then, we’ll just point and laugh that you don’t seem to understand that vaccines have been studied for decades, and even longer than a century.

          • My particular requirements? These are the most basic requirements for safety testing. FYI comparing one vaccine to another, or an aluminium solution, is not an appropriate safety study.

          • Secondly, trading vaccine-caused injury and death for disease-caused injury and death isn’t a logical option. Whether or not vaccines have actually improved the overall health of children (or adults) has not been studied. So until that study is done, and replicated mulitple times, you need to shove your biaed opinion where the sun don’t shine.

          • Chris

            “Whether or not vaccines have actually improved the overall health of children (or adults) has not been studied”

            Yawn.

            Vaccination Status and Health in Children and Adolescents

            Historical Comparisons of Morbidity and Mortality for Vaccine-Preventable Diseases in the United States

            Remember, if you don’t like those and the other thousands of studies indexed on PubMed, well then gather our 5000 friends and do one yourself.

          • I should have guessed, neither of those studies looked at the overall health of vaxxed vs unvaxxed. But kudos for offering something. It’s not a matter of “not liking” a study, it’s the fact that these studies should have been done decades ago. The public most definitely should not have to try to do a study themselves – that is utterly ridiculous – especially given that parents are coerced into vaccinating their children. If the government, or fanatical vaccine zealots, want parents to vaccinate their children, they need to provide the necessary safety studies to prove to parents they aren’t causing more harm than good by following their guidelines.

          • Chris

            That is some rather creative goal post moving! They should have been done decades ago! Woot! Actually there are some that were done decades ago, but some vaccines were removed and others added. It helps to keep up to date.

            Since your premise was that those who chose to not vaccinate are highly educated, then please go tell everyone on this particularly evil blog how the Stephen family is so much brighter than the rest of us.

          • Why is it anyone who reads that blog is an arrogant, vitriolic asshole?

          • Chris

            Yes. It comes from dealing with those who are from Htrae.

          • Yea, keep telling yourself that’s why you’re an arrogant, vitriolic asshole. Blaming others for your behaviour is always a good idea.

          • Chris

            Ah, poor baby! No one takes you seriously here. What a surprise.

          • WanttobeGalt

            All these pro-vaxxer statists are revealing their tyranny gene. Yet none of them have gone in for their measles booster. As you have already observed, there is a huge mental disconnect prevailing in their comments.

          • Chris

            “Yet none of them have gone in for their measles booster.”

            What is your evidence of this? And why would you call for just a “measles” booster and not the MMR? It is the mumps portion that needs to be boosted lately.

            By the way, since I am in the age of transition between those who actually got measles and those who got vaccines, there was a question if I had actually had either. So as a full grown senior adult I got an MMR booster before taking a trip to California a couple of years ago.

            If you are going to make stuff up, please wrap it in satire tags just like this website.

          • There’s no need to move the goal posts in this conversation because the studies still haven’t been done today or decades go.

          • Chris

            Then go do them yourself! If you want something done right, then go do it yourself. This is what is told to parents in schools who demand the volunteers do something or other. If they ask for a service they are then automatically made the chair person of that committee. Some actually take the challenge and get it done… others just slink back into their hidey holes and never let their squeaky voices utter a word at another Parent/Teacher school meeting again.

            So what are you? A person who gets something done, or the little squeaky parent demanding stuff only to run back into your hidey hole when the others say “Oh, great idea, you get to do that now!”

            So go get that study done.

            By the way are you anywhere near Waikato? Make sure you run up and get your kids “naturally” exposed! Perhaps they won’t get the one in five chance of pneumonia or the one in a thousand chance of encephalitis! Woo hoo — naturally immunity is super great as long as you do not end up like Olivia Dahl!

            By the way, take your kids to the new The BFG movie. Then read them the story, and explain why it is dedicated to Olivia Dahl. I am sure they will all love the story on how actually getting measles is so much better than getting two doses of the MMR vaccine.

          • Ron Carr

            A new study in Germany where they tested over 3000 Children that were in a ‘High Risk’ category of getting autism due to having siblings with autism.

            Guess what happened Cherie?

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_zqBPuPx8w

          • Diet dee

            In areas of Low incidence there is almost no chance of even getting the disease much less being harmed by it

          • Ron Carr

            Only it has, over 8 million test subjects and billions of dollars of research wasted to find this out from several different Countries, face it, you’re either the victim of fraud or you are a fraudster trying to get money out of Big Pharma by getting some quack with a degree to write you a sick note to which you’re an utter deplorable who needs to get a real job.

            Scientific consensus is there for a reason, when you nut a wall expecting a different result other than a Headache you come to the consensus that headbutting the wall hurts and you stop.

            Stop Headbutting the wall, real science that’s not from a phantom publisher has this covered.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o65l1YAVaYc

          • Shona Graham

            Really you think the fact that we don’t have kids in iron lungs due to the polio vaccine is in doubt or thousands didn’t suffocate to death because of the diphtheria vaccine, are you saying doctors in 1910’s 1920’s, 1930’s, 1940’s were ALL lying about the cause of infant mortality?

        • madcapfeline

          “Whipping out anecdotes doesn’t work” …now listen to my very nearly unrelated anecdote and accept it as gospel.

          Kinda stepped on your own dick there, sweetheart.

        • Ron Carr

          Fraudster, listen to me very carefully.. There has been hundreds of test papers spanning well over 8 MILLION TEST SUBJECTS!!!!! in the space of 10+ years of research, from the US to the UK, to Sweden, Switzerland into seeing whether or not vaccines cause autism.

          It’s not a matter for debate anymore, it’s scientific consensus based on around 8 million test subjects, the largest research ever conducted on a subject next to Climate Change science.

          If you think this mountain of research which has most likely cost the World economy BILLIONS to conduct then I don’t think anything will get through to you.
          You’re here to perpetrate fraud like your messiah Dr Wakefield, perhaps to get money out of the pharmaceutical industry by getting some liars with a degree to make a viable lie for you.

        • Brianne

          The only one who is pulling facts out there behind is you. NO PEER REVIEWED study says what you do and well anti vaccers won’t let anyone study there’s indicating it’s a fairytale. FACT more people die from not vaccinating themselves over then slight number that do with them. FACT numerous peer reviewed studies say our populations who exhibit complications is no more prevalent now then it was in the past we are populations have just grown exponentially. It’s quite sad that you would that you living with complications is worse then death. Children are dying every day in places like Africa from diseases we have caused to hibernate by vaccinating, I guarantee they would be happy to change places so you can die of small pocks instead of there child. You are spinning a fairy tale by pulling facts out of your behind most of them have no citations and no proof of there claims beyond there word. Right now we are above the threshold but with all you lying quacks we will go below that and diseases we all but eradicated will find there way back and you people would be the first to go.

    • lorimakesquilts

      Poor people don’t have access, they are not making a stupid decision to not vaccinate, they have no choice.

      • Don’t have access to what? Research that shows vaccines aren’t safe?

        • Kimberly Collins

          Stop being disingenuous. Or are you really that dense?

          • Chris

            Yes, she is. Just check her responses to me. She told me I just used anecdotes but just countered with “Lastly, whipping out anecdotes doesn’t work. Do you know how many people I personally know whose children have been permanently disabled or have died as a result of vaccination? The group I’m in of over 5000 is mostly made up of parents whose children suffered severe adverse reactions.”

            Apparently that unverified assertion was greater than my two examples of incidences where herd immunity did not work…. in her mind. Yes, she is quite dense. Digging into her comment history she does not know the relevant difference between “mortality” and “morbidity.”

            Do have fun with her because she is quite clueless. Especially since she had no clue this is a satire site, and it is where some of us come to just laugh at the clueless.

        • Thinking Atheist

          REAL research, not bullshit

        • Kenneth James Abbott

          -Don’t have access to what? Research that shows vaccines aren’t safe?-
          Well, nobody has access to that, since it doesn’t exist.

        • Ron Carr

          Citizen Scientist Alert!
          *Red Alert*

        • Milkstopher Tripp

          You’re clearly my sister’s doppelganger. I’ve alerted the registrar at Twinsies International. Just so you know

      • Chris
    • Ryan Giusti

      shut up cunt

    • Thinking Atheist

      complete bullshit. strawman. citation, show your studies or you’re lying.

      • Kirk Martin

        Actually it does, and the major cover up here is the children who suffers brain damage from these vaccinations. Oh its not in the news, and when it is, its washed over and ignored. But please explain why families are being paid millions because their child is now completely fucked for life… http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1307095/Family-win-18-year-fight-MMR-damage-son–90-000-payout-concerns-vaccine-surfaced.html So what would you rather have?

        • Brianne

          There is not one peer reviewed study that supports your claim you are believing papers where they can say whatever they want because they won’t let others study it indicating deception. Amazingly enough one of the facts you are pointing to doesn’t actually support your cause in fact it debunks it. While complications from vaccines have always happened including in the past according to PEER REVIEWED studies vaccinations side effects are no more prevalent now then they were then the population has just risen exponentially. If you want to lie, skew that facts, and continue to live in your fairy tale then go ahead but the rest of us won’t because we believe in things like facts like the ones that say lack of vaccinations have killed more people then the vaccines. Kind of sad that you think dying is better then the possible side effects.

          • Kirk Martin

            I have not lied at all. Throwing stones when you more than likely have not even read the news report suggests one thing. You see what you want to see, while I see everything clearly.

          • Chris

            “According to the U.S. manufacturer, Merck & Company, Inc., the current MMR vaccine — MMR-II”

            What does that have to do with particular MMR vaccine was the settlement made on that you posted a Daily Fail article on? I can guarantee is was not the American version by Merck. It has to be one of the three approved for use in the UK in 1988.

            Why do you think there is only one MMR on this planet? There are several, and they are not all the same as the American MMR II approved for use in 1978. Which is still not used in the UK, the one they introduced in the late 1990s is not from the USA.

            Thinktwice has a few obvious errors:

            “However, in the 1980s they were combined into a single “three-in-one” MMR shot.”

            The first MMR vaccine in the USA was introduced in 1971. Ask someone who can count what came first, was it the 1970s or the 1980s?

            “These may be found in the vaccine package insert available from any doctor giving MMR…”

            So what? Where does it give the percentage of these side effects? How do they compare to the actual diseases? Encephalitis occurs in about one in a thousand cases of measles. So how often does this happen with the present American or UK MMR vaccines? Provide a PubMed indexed study by reputable qualified researchers, not “cherry picked by thinky twicey” links.

            ” The medical literature contains many examples of MMR vaccine failures.
            Thus, people who receive MMR may still be susceptible to the three
            diseases.”

            Compared to what? Guess what, I had mumps twice in the 1960s. Mumps is one of those viral diseases where the “natural immunity” actually wains. It makes no sense to expect the vaccine to be better. Another reason to ignore ThinkTwice, they use the “Nirvana Fallacy.”

            “In a study conducted by scientists from the Direct Health 2000 clinic in Eltham, South London, England…”

            So what? From http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/1523523.stm … It is a “study” at a private clinic that was trying to push their single vaccines, and on only 50 kids. The study was not published nor validated by third party researchers. Citing that is called “cherry picking.”

            By the way, was that clinic illegally importing a certain single mumps vaccine:
            MEDICINES CONTROL AGENCY TO OBJECT TO IMPORTATION OF UNLICENSED SINGLE URABE STRAIN MUMPS VACCINE

            In the future, please just post the PMIDs of studies by reputable qualified researchers. If you don’t understand why, have someone explain the terms “relative risk”, “cherry picking” and “Nirvana Fallacy” to you.

    • x Kai’

      My FPR [female parental unit or ‘mother’ to you] was the only person in our ‘nuclear family’ of four [ 2 adults, 2 children] to complete high school. She was far and away the least intelligent member of said family and didn’t know basic science from an adieu. Having completed school does not necessarily make you knowledgeable, let alone smart. Fortunately however I did get all the vaccines that were available when I was growing up and top up when need to and no, I do not have Aspergers because of the vaccines, I was born this way. As for dropping out of high school and college before finishing – these I attribute to her most gladly for being the total ignoramus that she is still to this day. This person didn’t want me reading books at home because there was always housework to be done and reading was a waste of time. I am so happy I never listened to this ‘educated’ person. An ‘official, certified’ education does not a knowledgeable person make.

    • Michelle Willetts

      Well, I guess that doesn’t include you, Cherie, “…more well educated…”. Hahahaha, does this make you Hispanic or Black?

  • SHANA MARIA VERGHIS

    if they don’t want to be poked……..

  • Diet dee

    I guess they were taking are of vaccine damages children for the Biologists

    • Thinking Atheist

      oh shut up.

    • Ron Carr

      Only the ones with playactous sickus CNNus.
      All they had to do was turn off the camera and their symptoms went away; recommended they keep cameras hidden, to avoid future inane response.

      • Diet dee

        Very hard to sue vaccine makers in the USA more moneyInstead slip and falls

  • KaseyJones

    Poor simple creatures. It’s wonderful we finally keep them in zoos to prevent over-breeding and infecting the general populace with ignorance and disease.

  • oldcarman

    HAH!

  • Kirk Martin
    • Chris

      Which MMR vaccine? Did it use the Urabe or Jeryl Lynn mumps strain? It is a mute point if it is Urabe because that is was never used in the USA, and has not been used in the UK since 1992 (except in certain private clinics that illegally imported it):
      MEDICINES CONTROL AGENCY TO OBJECT TO IMPORTATION OF UNLICENSED SINGLE URABE STRAIN MUMPS VACCINE

      You do realize that those who got any version of an MMR with the Urabe mumps strain would be at least in their mid-20s. Isn’t that a bit of scaremongering out of date? Perhaps you just do not understand that there is more than one or two or a few different versions of Measles/Mumps/Rubella vaccines that have been manufactured in several countries over the last 45 years.

      Please keep the particular vaccine strains in mind, or else we will think you do not have a clue. Though we figured that out by the “citation” being the Daily Fail.

  • WanttobeGalt

    The burden of proof falls upon you who is making the claim that vaccines are safe.

    There has never been any testing comparing the full vaccine schedule versus a
    full control placebo, i.e., a comparison of those who receive all of the shots to those who receive none of the shots, and this despite a remarkable correlation between the
    increase in numbers of shots given to children over the last twenty five years
    and the rising rates of disorders of the immune system such as allergies,
    asthma, autoimmune disorders etc.

    • Ovidiu Chiriță

      You

    • Chris

      Well if you don’t like the dozens of epidemiological papers from around the globe, then go do that magical placebo controlled study yourself. If you want to be like Galt, get it done correctly.

      Design a study, make sure it complies with the Belmont Report, get it approved by an IRB (that is actually independent, not filled with employees, friends and relatives like the Geiers did), write a grant to get it funded, and then submit that grant to places like the Dwoskin Family Foundation, SafeMinds, Generation Rescue, etc. Then go do it!

      Stop whining like an entitled parasite expecting others to pay for what you desire. Especially when you take advantage of the community immunity to some nasty diseases because your responsible neighbors vaccinate their children… which in turn protects yours. Which makes you a double parasite.

      By the way, here are the results of a recent paper that SafeMinds paid for:

      https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4455585/

    • Ron

      Speak grammar much?

  • Ron

    If you join the United States military, you will be vaccinated. There is no choice in the matter.

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