Study: Excessive masturbation may protect against the flu

A new study released today from JAMA, The Journal of the American Masturbation Association, concluded that people who excessively masturbate are less likely to contract influenza.

science, health, satire, vaccines.

A new study released today from JAMA, The Journal of the American Masturbation Association, concluded that people who excessively masturbate are less likely to contract influenza.

“People who masturbate often are less likely to go outside and have contact with people who may be infected with the flu” said lead researcher Dr. Han Jobs. “This was true for both sexes, but more so for men.”

The study also revealed some surprising findings that the research team did not expect. It turns out that the most heavy masturbaters are also conspiracy theorists, given how much time they spend in front a computer.

“We found that anti-vaccine, chemtrail believers and 9/11 and Sandy Hook truthers masturbated much, much more than anyone else” said Jobs. “We believe this is due to the massive amount of time they spend in front of a computer. When someone spends hours upon hours on the internet, it is only a matter of time until one searches for pornography.”

The study will have a full release in next month’s issue.

 

SP Team

Evil doktor, pharma shill, vaccine chemist, Monsanto spokesperson, GMO lobbyist, chemtrail deployer and false flag organizer.