Food Babe announces pregnancy, world prepares for 9 months of nausea, vomiting and verbal diarrhea

science, health, satire, vaccines.

CHARLOTTE, NC – Vani Hari, aka The Food Babe, announced she is expecting a little, all-natural baby in the coming months. She is already getting well versed in all the natural, organic baby fodder she can.

I’m obsessed! Baby investigations are underway! I’ve been reading every natural pregnancy and baby book under the sun for the past several months.” – Vani Hari

The world at large is also getting prepared…

“Ugh, this is going to be the worst few months in Food Babe’s history, I just know it” said Kevin Shillta, Monsanto lobbyist. “She is nauseating on a good day. I can only imagine the amount of pregnancy and baby BS she is going to go on about during this pregnancy.”

The Food Babe Army is of course behind their science illiterate leader, hoping against hope that she will finally commit to being anti-vaccine.

“I love everything Vani does, EVERYTHING. I even switched my favorite element from gold to chlorophyll because of her,” said Nancy Welsh. “I really hope Vani will come out against vaccines and that she keeps her little baby pure and free from toxins.”

Other anti-vaccers are actually a little nervous about the whole situation.

“I’m so scared that Vani will get her son or daughter vaccinated. She has never really come out as anti-vaccine, but, based on her incredible medical and scientific knowledge, I can only assume she will,” said former escort Erin from Health Nut News. “I am lining up all my healing rocks and consulting my Quija board almost daily trying to get some sort of sign, but nothing yet.”


Evil doktor, pharma shill, vaccine chemist, Monsanto spokesperson, GMO lobbyist, chemtrail deployer and false flag organizer.