Anti-vaccer still can’t “get it” after science explained for the 349th time

SEATTLE, WA – Local anti-vaccine advocate Ryan Derp, 33, has had the science behind vaccines explained to him almost 350 times by the latest estimate.

“I just don’t get how injecting toxins and VIRUSES! is supposed to protect you from viruses,” said Derp. “It makes no sense to me.”

Family, friends and Facebook commenters have all explained the science behind vaccines in numerous ways, numerous times to Derp.

“I tried explaining it to him from a very medical standpoint, but that didn’t work” said cousin and doctor, Peter Sampson. “So I explained it to him very simply, but that didn’t work either. I made him some drawings with crayons but even that didn’t seem to stick.”

Vaccines work by triggering the immune system to a weakened or dead version of the virus. Vaccines can be explained simply by the following five “steps”:

• Vaccines contain a small amount of the germs or parts of the germs that cause disease.  The germs in vaccines are either killed or weakened so they can’t make you sick.
• When you receive a vaccine, your body thinks the small amount of the disease germ is the disease itself, and your immune system starts creating antibodies (proteins that destroy disease germs).
• The antibodies destroy the vaccine germs just as they would the disease germs (like a training exercise).
• These antibodies stay with you for a long time and remember how to fight off the germ.  If the real disease (not the vaccine) enters your body in the future, the antibodies are ready to fight it off before it has a chance to make you sick.
• Often, your body remembers how to fight a germ for the rest of your life. However, sometimes you need a booster dose of a vaccine to remind your body how to fight off certain germs.

When Derp was shown these five points about how vaccines work, he still didn’t get it.

“Well I guess this is number 350,” he laughed. “Why would anyone want to inject themselves with “germs”? And why would anyone think that is a good idea?”

Family and friends (of which the number is dwindling) are hoping to create a new whiteboard video with shiny objects and bright colors in hopes of getting through to Derp.