LOS ANGELES, CA – Mel Smallwood, 37, was rushed to UCLA Medical Center earlier this morning with what doctors are describing and “severe brain trauma brought on by rigorous mathematics.”
Smallwood, who claims to have a PhD in Immunology from Google, has little to no training in biostatistics.
“The patient was apparently trying to prove, through the use of Poisson regression, that vaccines are the cause of chronic illnesses like MS and Asthma,” said Dr. David Alward. “When he began to try and work out the formulas, his brain, having never been used like this before, went into a sort of overdrive and basically shut itself down.”
Smallwood is one of many anti-vaccine advocates who fancy themselves as immunologists, epidemiologists and biostatisticians all rolled into one.
“I have studied more on vaccines and immunology than any doctor. FACT.” said Smallwood in a recent Facebook post. “Doctors know next to NOTHING about epidemiology and biostats. I’ve spent hours upon hours teaching myself through Google and Youtube. I could mop the floor with ANY doctor in a debate about vaccines. FACT.”
Unfortunately for Mr. Smallwood things did not go as planned. As so often happens, the anti-vaccer got in over his head and was unbable to understand or comprehend advanced statistics and methodologies.
There is currently a Kickstarter campaign raising funds to get Smallwood free from the clutches of evil doctors at UCLA and released to the care of a homeopath and naturopath.