Aging anti-vaxxer keeps claiming Mercury, not Aluminum, causes autism

Much to the consternation of younger members of the anti-vaccine movement, Sean Segal, a prominent 80 year-old founder of the modern anti-vaccine movement keeps claiming that the mercury in thiomersal causes autism. Thiomersal was removed from all childhood vaccines over a decade ago, prompting anti-vaccine advocates to shift the blame to other vaccine ingredients.

“Look, I love Mr. Segal. He’s done so much for us,” said Jay Crowby, a rising star in the anti-vaccine movement. “But he keeps asking the same questions over and over again, keeps thinking people are stealing his keys, and keeps blaming mercury for autism. We in the anti-vaccine movement have to be on the same page in blaming aluminum for autism.”

Some of the more forward-thinking members of the anti-vaccine movement are even preparing themselves for which ingredient they will say causes autism in the event that aluminum is removed from vaccines.

“We have to be ready for that day,” Mr. Crowby told The Science Post. “If aluminum is removed from vaccines, and the rates of autism don’t plummet within a few years, we have to have an agreement ahead of time on which ingredient to blame. I am pushing for aborted fetal DNA, but not everyone agrees with me. As long as we all end up agreeing, it doesn’t matter really what ingredient we say causes autism.”

Mr. Segal told The Science Post that while he appreciated the enthusiasm of the young Mr. Crowby, “when Dr. Wakefield’s paper gets published in the Lancet, he will see that I am right.”

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