NEW YORK, NY – President-elect Donald Trump has announced that he will be doing away with Obamacare and instead replacing it with Trumpacare, a new system which he says will provide better health coverage to Americans.
“Obamacare is terrible, okay, and I’m here to make healthcare great again,” explained Trump. “Under Trumpacare, every straight, white, Christian, male (without a preexisting condition) will get full medical coverage free of charge; and Canada is going to pay for it.”
When asked for details on how he plans to make Canada pay for his new healthcare plan, Trump was somewhat vague on the details.
“Look, Canada is a loser but I have a great relationship with the leader of Canada, Prime Minister French guy or whatever his name is and he is going to pay for it.”
Many people across America and the rest of the world are worried about Trumpacare in that it clearly favors a certain group of people and leaves many others out.
“I thought Trump might be a bit more convert about his preferential treatment of straight, white males but I guess not,” said political correspondent Mark Sheffield. “But I guess now that he is going to president he can just go for it.”
It is unclear what Trump plans to do concerning things like vaccines and climate change as he believes both to be conspiracies.
“The good thing is that Trump can’t do much concerning vaccines,” explained Sheffield. “Thankfully the vaccine schedule is left up to experts in the field and then the recommendations are followed at the state and local levels. So Trump can’t just put a bunch of crazy anti-vaccine legislation through.”
Anti-vaccers are of course delighted to have a fellow “vaccines cause autism” science-illiterate cult member as president and will no doubt be keeping a keen eye on Trump’s health policies going forward (assuming they are not blind from the side effects of a vaccine-preventable disease).