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Education Secretary Betsy DaVos to reportedly add Flying Spaghetti Monster to school curriculum

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Flying Spaghetti Monster

WASHINGTON, DC – Billionaire Betsy DaVos, home-school and anti-science expert, will be the Education Secretary tapped with leading America’s education into the future. One small hiccup for some is that she is not very fond of education. “I believe home schooling and religious schooling is…

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Trump displaying classic symptoms of rabies, infectious disease experts say

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trump has rabies

WASHINGTON, DC – A growing number of infectious disease experts are worried that President Donald Trump is displaying all the classic signs of a rabies infection. “Mr. Trump is showing signs of extreme agitation, anxiety and confusion,” said Dr. Frank Sarivall of the CDC. “Another…

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“We’ve been using alternative facts for years” say anti-vaccers, homeopaths

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HPV Vaccine

WASHINGTON, DC – Anti-vaccers are upset that the Trump administration is getting all kinds of press and attention for using what they call “alternative facts” when in fact they have been using them for years. “We were one of the first groups to use alternative…

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Trump to meet with flat earthers to discuss Planetary Safety Committee

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NEW YORK, NY – President-elect Donald Trump announced today that he will be meeting with top ranking flat earth conspiracy theorists to form a Planetary Safety Committee. It was recently announced that Trump is considering appointing anti-vaccine conspiracy nut Robert Kennedy Jr. to form a…

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Trump announces plan to make Gaslighting a cornerstone of American energy policy

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Trump announced today that he intends to make America energy independent and create millions of jobs by bringing back the gaslighting industry. Trump made the announcement in a 3 am tweet: “I will unleash TRILLIONS of dollars in untapped gaslight! Obama made us TOTALLY dependant[sic]…

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Woman wakes up after 20 year coma, reads news, asks to go back in coma

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doctors, coma

NEW YORK, NY – Area woman Janet Hutton, 53, finally awoke from a nearly 20 year coma to the delight and celebration of both doctors and family. Unfortunately, soon after she woke up, he was given a laptop to catch up on the worlds news. He…

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