OREGON – Epidemiologists and doctors are baffled as to why the outbreak of dysentery continues to spread across all parts of the Oregon Trail despite their best efforts.
“We have seen thousands of cases with no clear indication that the trend will slow down,” said epidemiologist Dr. Rick Haudas.
Dysentery is an infection of the intestines resulting in severe diarrhea with the presence of blood and mucus in the feces. So far it has killed an estimated 10,000 people on the Oregon Trail in the last twenty years.
“We’re really hoping that people can get their hands on Epsom salts or some of the more aggressive cures,” explains Haudas. There are currently two “cures” available for dysentery:
Dry beef gall to thick molasses thickening it with May Apple, equal Colycynth and Bloodroot ¼ of the above,” Dr. Dains instructs. “Role it out with flower (flour) into pills. Dose 2 tsp at bed time as often as the case needs.”
If that didn’t work, there is a more aggressive recipe:
“Dry beef gall to thick (molasses consistency). Thicken it with equal parts May apple, bloodroot, cayenne pepper, culver root, ½ part lobelia seed. Mix, role into pills with flower, common serve doses 2 to 6 a day as the case requires.”
So far epidemiologists have reported that even these aggressive cures rarely work and are looking and developing a dysentery vaccine. Unfortunately all the vaccine has done so far in clinical tests is give children autism.