In a shocking announcement today, scientists released the results of a two year study examining the attitudes and general awesomeness of people who do and do not consume gluten. It was confirmed through the study that people who consumed the evils that is gluten are much worse than those who don’t.
“We found that people who regularly consumed gluten were simply not as good of a person as those do not consume the evil gut-destroying gluten,” said lead scientist Michael Adams. “People who ate non-gluten, non-GMO organic food were the best people of all. Much better than any simpleton who foolishly consumes these products on a daily basis.”
Luckily for gluten-eaters there is some hope. Many anti-gluten, anti-GMO advocates also have online stores which will sell you cures to rid your body of all the toxins you have consumed over your lifetime. Failing that, many (like the Food Babe) offer a plethora of affiliate links to such products.
“If you have foolishly been eating things like gluten, GMOs and non-organic produce, you can still be cured,” assured Dr. Joe Mercola. “Simply visit my online store and purchase one of my many, many detox kits and you should be fine.”