ST. LOUIS, MO – Executives at the dungeon lair headquarters of Monsanto are breathing a sigh of relief today as they finally were implicated in a conspiracy theory involving the Zika Virus in Brazil.
The latest conspiracy revolves around a larvacide called Pyriproxyfen, which is actually manufactured by Sumitomo Chemical, a Japanese company.
However, at some point the chemical may have been either worked on or owned by Monsanto or something, something Monsanto is evil.
“We watched for a few weeks as GMO mosquitoes, vaccines, Bill Gates and even lizard people were getting all the conspiracy coverage,” said Diablo Lucifer, Monsanto CEO. “Now it’s finally our turn. This couldn’t come at a better time for us either, since people seem to be getting less and less crazy about GMOs and not mentioning us as much on social media.”
Monsanto was also blamed for the recent Chipolte e.coli outbreaks, as conspiracy theorists claimed that the only way their organic food could have been infected with a bacteria like e. coli was by nefarious means: enter Monsanto.
As the WHO continues to try and narrow down the cause of the increase in microcephaly cases in Brazil, they are diligently reading any and all websites and internet comments for help.
“We continue to look to the leaders of rational thought like Mike Adams, Alex Jones and people who send out tweets using the hashtag #ZikaHoax” said Dr. Garreth Bale. “We will somehow find out what the cause is and when we do, the people of Brazil can rest assured that we will have a expensive untested cure provided to us from our partners in the pharmaceutical industry.”
