March Against Monsanto Draws Dozens of Protesters

science, health, satire, vaccines.

CHICAGO, IL – Dozens of people in cities around the world gathered yesterday to protest the existence of seed giant, Monsanto. In Chicago alone, there were at least ten people at one point.

Once billed as a “See and Be Seen” event on the protest circuit, this year’s march was mostly a gathering of people who didn’t want to waste their fish costumes and tomato posters. One upbeat protester wearing a sandwich board with a Sharpie-drawn skull on it exclaimed, “I’m so stoked that dozens of people still care that Monsanto exists.”

Not everyone is happy though that the event has become more of a folksy “Stand Around with Homemade Posters” gathering rather than the wild “Party in a Guy Fawkes Mask” march it used to be back when nobody understood GMOs.

Protester, Shannon Bennet, was particularly irritated that the guy with the giant cob of corn on his car didn’t make an appearance this year. Lighting a cigarette, Bennet complained, “This is so fucking lame. If the Corn Cob Car guy can’t even be bothered to get out of bed for this, I sure as hell don’t need to be here. Look, even the cops are bored.”

When organizer, Glenn Carson, was asked how he felt the march went, he said, “I’m thrilled. That dozens of people all over the world are still afraid of GMOs is a testament to how hard we’ve worked to keep fear alive.” Picking up his megaphone, Carson walked around the group of 10 yelling, “Keep Fear Alive! Keep Fear Alive!”

Next year, the “march” is expected to draw multiple people in some cities.

Writer, liberal humanist. Huffington Post Contributor. I use gross exaggeration, humor, and blatant stereotyping as literary devices.