AUSTIN, TX – Local paleo diet guru Mark Wolfe was arrested yesterday after allegedly eating his neighbors poodle. The paleo diet involves eating all-natural, fresh, non-GMO, and non-processed foods. The hard-core paleo’s only eat what they can grow and scavenge, and in this case, it was a poodle named Cupcake.
“It’s so devastating,” said owner Nancy Walsh. “Our little girl keeps asking where Cupcake is, we can’t tell her that our crazy neighbor ate her.”
In his defense, Mr. Wolfe said the dog had wandered onto his property and that he was really hungry.
“I only eat what I grow on my land and what I can manage to hunt and scavenge. When I saw a 40 pound hunk of meat on my property, my paleo instincts just took over” explained Wolfe.
Legally speaking, the laws of consuming dog meat vary from state to state, but most ban the practice under animal cruelty laws. Wolfe’s lawyer is trying to claim self defense.
“This vicious dog wandered onto my client’s property we assume to stalk and attack him. My client simply got to him first” said attorney Mark Canis.
Paleo diet supporters are rallying around Mr. Wolfe, while PETA is holding a candlelight vigil for Cupcake later this week.