AUSTIN, TX – Local paleo diet guru Mark Wolfe was arrested yesterday after allegedly eating his neighbors poodle. The paleo diet involves eating all-natural, fresh, non-GMO, and non-processed foods. The hard-core paleo’s only eat what they can grow and scavenge, and in this case, it was a poodle named Cupcake.

“It’s so devastating,” said owner Nancy Walsh. “Our little girl keeps asking where Cupcake is, we can’t tell her that our crazy neighbor ate her.”

In his defense, Mr. Wolfe said the dog had wandered onto his property and that he was really hungry.

“I only eat what I grow on my land and what I can manage to hunt and scavenge. When I saw a 40 pound hunk of meat on my property, my paleo instincts just took over” explained Wolfe.

Legally speaking, the laws of consuming dog meat vary from state to state, but most ban the practice under animal cruelty laws. Wolfe’s lawyer is trying to claim self defense.

“This vicious dog wandered onto my client’s property we assume to stalk and attack him. My client simply got to him first” said attorney Mark Canis.

Paleo diet supporters are rallying around Mr. Wolfe, while PETA is holding a candlelight vigil for Cupcake later this week.

 

SP Team
Evil doktor, pharma shill, vaccine chemist, Monsanto spokesperson, GMO lobbyist, chemtrail deployer and false flag organizer.
  • Jen Terenzi Izzo

    Who the hell would defend this sicko? Another sicko Lawyer this is beyond aweful the lawyer should be locked up for that horrible defense and the idiot with the diet most dogs are treated for heartworm fleas all sorts of disease. so you did not eat anything close to organic

    • Peter Foster

      This is a satire site that pokes fun at crazy ideas. So this is not a real story, though plausible enough to be mistaken for one.

      • Laura

        Are there any paleo dieters who’ve eaten their neighbors’ pets, for real?

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  • Ashley

    That is sick

  • Jennifer Bailey

    But was the dog on a “raw food” diet?