FRANKLIN, DE – Local anti-vaccine advocate Martin Howe is sure he a respected and well liked person in his little neighborhood.
“Everyone likes me around here. My Christmas lights spell out “VACCINES KILL” and every Halloween I give out pamphlets about the dangers of GMOs instead of candy. People respect that,” said a clueless and influenza-infected Howe. “They revere me so much and are so intimidated by me that they won’t even invite me to their parties. It’s quite flattering actually.”
According to reporters who spoke with several of Howe’s neighbors, the general consensus is to avoid him at all costs.
“We stopped going to his house at Halloween with my kids, we wait until he is gone for the day to go outside, and never invite him to any functions,” said Nancy Gilbert, neighbor from two doors down. “I think he may be harmless, but we still don’t want to hang out with him. Anytime he does manage to corner one of us all he talks about is conspiracy theories and how we should all be as “awake” as he is. I think I am something called a shill? or a sheep? I can’t remember.”
According to sources, Martin is planning a huge house party and inviting everyone in his neighborhood.
“It’s going to be a rager,” Howe said excitedly. “We’re going to have some gluten-free snacks, drink some homeopathic beer, then it’s lights out for my slide show proving how 9/11 was an inside job. If we have time I’m also going to screen Trace Amounts. That is if people’s minds aren’t too blown away from my 9/11 video.”
As of press time, Mr. Howe has not received any RSVPs.
