DENVER, CO – In a breaking story out of Denver, The Spudd Times has learned that Pharma Shills are given advance warning from the Illuminati when chemtrails are going to be deployed. The leaked documents outline how Pharma Shills are sent email blasts and text messages warning them to get inside.
“Everyone knows that the Illuminati and chemtrails are real, that’s old news. But this new development is scary,” said Ben Swann, conspiracy theorist. “We always took solace in the fact that shills were also getting sprayed with chemtrails, but these documents show that is not the case at all.”
According to reports, a whistleblower from the Illuminati was recorded in secret telling Mr. Swann about the chemtrail warnings.
“I have been working on this story for over two years and I am ready to blow this thing wide open with a 24 minute YouTube video,” said Swann. “Nothing says credibility like an amateur YouTube clip.”
Speaking under promise of anonymity, one pharma shill told us “Yes of course we get advanced warning. Chemtrails are very dangerous and cause all sorts of problems like autism, cancer and sterility. You can thank the guys at the CDC and Bill Gates for that one.”
So if you are out and notice a bunch of well dressed people suddenly looking at their phones and running inside, it is probably best to follow them.