The latest trend among natural, granola moms is killer whale assisted water births. The idea being that killer-whale assisted birth increases the child’s rate of development and his or her brain mass in early years. The down side of course is the risk of both mother and child being eating by the world’s largest dolphin.
“This is a terrible, terrible idea” said marine biologist George Constanza. “Not only can the infant get numerous bacteria from the water, but they also face the very serious side effects of being eaten.”
The practice was first theorized twenty years ago by Igor Tscharkofsy, who came up with the idea to have mothers give birth in the Pacific Ocean with killer whales assisting. Several companies in Vancouver and California offer the birthing process only after the mother signs several waiver forms.
“We feel sharing the birthing experience with killer whales is a deeply spiritual experience for the mother and sets the child up for a life of strong spiritual growth,” said Shauna Baleine, PhD. “Sure we have had around 90% of children and mothers die during the process, but for those who spirits are strong enough will have the most wonderful birthing experience one can have.”
Sea-World is reportedly interested in offering the practice as they are always looking for new ways to exploit killer whales.
