Guinea pigs to begin testing on humans, FDA confirms


NEW YORK, NY – In a bizarre reversal of roles, guinea pigs have been granted approval by the FDA to begin testing a new type of feed on human subjects. The trial is set to begin next month.

“We are thrilled that we got the approval to go ahead with this,” said Dr. Ron Hamm, guinea pig and scientist. “Humans are the closet thing we have to ourselves, so it only makes sense to use them for trials, especially trials involving drugs or food.”

The new feed is a GMO combo platter of corn and wheat and will be fed to the human subjects over the course of three months. The subjects will then be asked to complete a questionnaire on their satisfaction with the feed as compared to a control group which will be given a non-GMO feed.

The groups will then switch and test the other type.

“Both groups will be blinded, so they won’t know which feed they are eating,” said Dr. Hamm. “We are a bit concerned that the GMO feed will of course cause cancer and death in our subjects – as all GMOs do – but that is a chance we are willing to take.”

The researchers are still looking for volunteers.


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