CDC releases 124 million page document of non vaccine-injured children

science, health, satire, vaccines.

ATLANTA, GA – The CDC has released a shocking 124 million page document today detailing the cases of children not harmed by vaccines.

“We felt it only right to be open and transparent when it comes to vaccines and children,” said CDC and Merck President Dr. Frank Sharpe. “The list has the names of over 6 billion children who have received vaccines over the years without any adverse reactions.”

The story is being picked up by all major non-mainstream news outlets and is sure to ruffle a few feathers on social media.

“How many of these children actually had an adverse reaction and didn’t report it?” said Megan Himer, non-bar-passing lawyer and naturopath. “Pro-vaccers love to dumpster dive in VAERS and use stats from there to prove vaccines are safe. News flash: VAERS isn’t exactly credible. I bet at least half of the 6 billion children in that document either have autism or don’t follow Jesus now because they got a vaccine.”

Pro-science advocates are using this list as proof that vaccines are safe, although many are still relying on industry funded trials and “peer-reviewed” literature.

“This doesn’t really prove anything definitively, just that there are a lot of children who get vaccines and have no adverse outcomes, which of course is great” said pharma shill Reuben Gaines. “While this is indeed another great resource on vaccine safety, I think I’ll stick to trials that are conducted by pharma companies for my proof.”

The full list of names (with last names redacted) is available on the CDC website.


Evil doktor, pharma shill, vaccine chemist, Monsanto spokesperson, GMO lobbyist, chemtrail deployer and false flag organizer.