SYRIA – In a shocking revelation today it was announced that over 95% of all terrorists have had at least one vaccine.
“We can say with complete certainty, according to anti-vaccine math, that this proves vaccines turn people into terrorists” said Heather Dexter, anti-vaccine-pertussis-admirer. “Is it not enough that vaccines have been PROVEN to cause autism, that Big Pharma wants to create terrorists too? These people are evil.”
While many people who understand math and statistics know that this particular statistic means absolutely nothing (i.e. 95% of all terrorists have all worn a t-shirt at some point too), to anti-vaccine advocates this is a holy grail of truthiness.
“There is no way anyone can take this seriously,” said Dr. James Taves, epidemiologist. “This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Heather Dexter however, disagrees. To her, this only proves what she has known all along: vaccines change children’s behavior.
“There are much better, natural alternatives to vaccines” she explains. “For example, let your children suffer with a vaccine-preventable disease for months on end and hope they don’t die. That’s what I do.”
As of press time, over 13 anti-vaccine websites have shared this story as “proof”.