The latest back to school trends are flying off the shelves at the likes of the Gap, Old Navy and Walmart, but one hot trend is not available in stores: Rubella. The latest craze amongst children who are home-schooled is none other than German Measles itself. The vaccine preventable disease is avoided by following the recommended childhood vaccine schedule and getting the MMR vaccine, with the trade off being the almost certainty of getting autism.
“This year the hottest things for kids are skinny jeans, jeggings and preventable diseases” said Walmart customer service rep Wendy Quigley. “Walmart was hoping to get in on the rubella action, but the logistics were just too hard and there was a lot of red tape and bureaucratic hoops to jump through.”
The largest push for rubella is in California, where the passing of SB277 means more home-schooled children than ever before.
“We obviously encourage all parents to get their children vaccinated with MMR” said Big Pharma fat cat and CDC spokesman Dr. Quinton Delmore. “The vaccine is very safe and very efficacious.”
Anti-vaccine parents who chose to home-school their children see things very differently.
“There is no way I am injecting mercury-laden poison directly into the bloodstream of my child. No way,” said alternative mom Katie Tieje. “If my little one needs to fight through the measles, mumps, rubella, a broken arm, whatever. That’s all part of growing up.”
