MIAMI, FL – The FDA has approved the use of Monsanto’s latest creation to combat the Zika virus: a 100 pound super mosquito.
“This new apex predator has been genetically modified to hunt down mosquitoes carrying the virus,” said Monsanto CEO Judas Lucifer. “The only thing we don’t know is what happens after they kill them all off. We’re hoping they’ll just be cool and not bother anyone.”
Critics of the decision are crying foul that the new mutant mosquito has not been properly tested.
“They haven’t done any tests with this giant thing at all yet they have approved it? It’s just like all those GMO foods that they have never, ever tested,” said anti-GMO activist Erin Lizz. “The only information I can find on Zika, GMOs and Monsanto is all negative. Not one anti-gmo or anti-vaccine website I have seen says anything good about them.”
So far, Monsanto says they have successfully created 5 of the super mosquitoes with little to no problems.
“Only one of the five creations managed to get loose,” said geneticist Joey Mengalls. “It took a few us, but we managed to kill it; we lost two of our colleagues in the process, but now we know how many gunshots it takes to kill one….so that’s good.”
The new super mosquitoes are expected to be released in the next few weeks.