NEW YORK, NY – The medical world is abuzz with its latest trend: Alternative Homeopathy.
“Basically Alternative Homeopathy is the opposite of traditional homeopathy in that it contains active ingredients,” explained Dr. Andrew Garland. “We found that by having actual ingredients in medicines really made them much more effective.”
While homeopathy traditionally relies on something to do with water having memory or something something magic sugar pills, alternative homeopathy relies on real medical ingredients. This is not going over well with classically trained homeopaths:
“I didn’t spend almost 3 years studying the magic of water just to be told that medicine needs to have active ingredients,” said homeopath Dan Allman. “The whole basis of our business, I mean healing system, is that there are no active ingredients. That’s what makes it so safe.”
Admittedly, alternative homeopathy does have the potential to cause side effects and even cure people, unlike regular homeopathy.
“Homeopathy is exceedingly safe,” explained Allman. “The only time it is unsafe is when something goes wrong and some ingredient in the medicine is actually present.”
Homeopaths are planning a protest in New York City later this week with an estimated 0.000000000000001 people attending.