AUSTIN, TX – Whole Foods Markets Inc. has instituted a rather unusual policy for it’s employees to be enforced next month. Starting June 1st, no employees of Whole Foods are allowed to be vaccinated. They must be out of date on their adult booster shots, be “anti-vaccine”, refuse the flu shot every year, and have non-vaccinated children if applicable.
“We feel this really encompasses what we stand for as a company and a brand,” said spokesman Neil Holierthanthou. “We want our employees to embrace a natural lifestyle which is free of toxins and chemicals, and that includes vaccines.”
The company is expecting little to no backlash from employees, since most are anti-vaccine anyway.
“This new policy won’t effect me at all,” said Lisa “Quinoa” Matthews. “Me and my kids are completely unvaccinated and it doesn’t worry me at all. Actually, the one thing I do worry about is on the off chance that my children do get sick or autism or something like that, I’m not sure what I am going to be able to blame it on.”
While most people who shop at Whole Foods already believe they are better than the common person anyways, being able to shop somewhere with such a progressive medical policy should only add to this feeling of superiority.
“This is amazing news!” said anti-vaccine, anti-GMO, anti-flouride, chemtrail and 9/11 truther Mike Adams. “Whole Foods is once again showing the world a better way to live.”
In contrast, every medical doctor and public health program The Spudd talked to felt this was a terrible idea.
