WASHINGTON, DC – A growing number of infectious disease experts are worried that President Donald Trump is displaying all the classic signs of a rabies infection.
“Mr. Trump is showing signs of extreme agitation, anxiety and confusion,” said Dr. Frank Sarivall of the CDC. “Another key symptom of rabies is fear of water. Mr. Trump is clearly afraid of people coming from overseas.”
The White House has not responded to the reports, but did acknowledge that Steve Bannon did indeed bite Mr. Trump at some point last week.
“Mr. Bannon was playfully biting the president, that is all we are prepared to say at this time,” said Sean Spicer. “Mr. Trump does not have rabies. Period.”
While several psychiatrists have noted the president is showing signs of severe mental health issues, this is first report of Mr. Trump possibly having rabies. If confirmed, the president will need to be isolated and treated immediately.
“We encouraged all white house staff to get the rabies vaccine, but they are fearful of getting autism,” said one insider. “We know for a fact that childhood vaccines cause autism, so we are playing it safe. We will be thoroughly vetting the rabies vaccine over the next 90 days.”
More to come as the story develops.