Trump displaying classic symptoms of rabies, infectious disease experts say

Trump displaying classic symptoms of rabies, infectious disease experts say

WASHINGTON, DC – A growing number of infectious disease experts are worried that President Donald Trump is displaying all the classic signs of a rabies infection.

“Mr. Trump is showing signs of extreme agitation, anxiety and confusion,” said Dr. Frank Sarivall of the CDC. “Another key symptom of rabies is fear of water. Mr. Trump is clearly afraid of people coming from overseas.”

The White House has not responded to the reports, but did acknowledge that Steve Bannon did indeed bite Mr. Trump at some point last week.

“Mr. Bannon was playfully biting the president, that is all we are prepared to say at this time,” said Sean Spicer. “Mr. Trump does not have rabies. Period.”

While several psychiatrists have noted the president is showing signs of severe mental health issues, this is first report of Mr. Trump possibly having rabies. If confirmed, the president will need to be isolated and treated immediately.

“We encouraged all white house staff to get the rabies vaccine, but they are fearful of getting autism,” said one insider. “We know for a fact that childhood vaccines cause autism, so we are playing it safe. We will be thoroughly vetting the rabies vaccine over the next 90 days.”

More to come as the story develops.

 

  • Alexandra Maas

    What the hell are you trying to add to the rational debate with this shit?

    • Will

      Humor. It’s called humor.

    • Chris

      You actually expected “rational debate” on a satire site? Look at both the top and bottom of the page, it is spelled out in plain English.

      We have entered a satire rich political period. With alternative facts, someone who thinks he can rule like a king and real Nazis. Roll with it.

      • George

        Actually,America’s finest news source and one of Sean Spicer’s favorites, posted relevant information regarding the above article:

        White House Staff Reminded To Place Lids Firmly On Trash Cans After Steve Bannon Gets Into Garbage Again
        http://www.theonion.com/article/white-house-staff-reminded-place-lids-firmly-trash-55168

        • Chris

          My youngest child who is a linguist told me it is perfectly acceptable to use “Nazi” instead of “Mr.” in front of their names. While the two terms are in two separate grammatical categories, “NazI” worked well as an adjective or descriptive term. So for now on it is the Nazi Bannon (despite his love on Lenin), Nazi Spicer and definitely the Nazi Trump.

          • George

            We shan’t argue with professionals.