Pfizer announces new vaccine to protect against vaccine injuries

Pfizer announces new vaccine to protect against vaccine injuries

Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer announced today that they would be debuting a new vaccine in early 2016 to protect against vaccine injuries.

“The vaccine works like most other vaccines, with the shot containing weakened versions of vaccine injuries like encephalitis, MS and of course autism,” explained Pfizer’s head of drug discovery Dr. Walter Black. “We are hoping this will give parents some piece of mind.”

Of course, no vaccine is 100% safe and effective and Pfizer admits that there is a small chance the vaccine injury vaccine may provide protection against diphtheria and tetanus as a side effect.

“This a great news, I’m really happy Big Pharma is waking up and realizing vaccine injuries are a real problem,” said glorified anti-vaccine blogger Jacob Crosby.

Pfizer is lobbying the CDC to add the new vaccine to the routine childhood immunization schedule.


  • Jefe Mixtli

    Typical Big Pharma. They’ve been doing it for so many years, they think they vaccine their way out of any problem… even recursive ones.

    • John

      I think it is a joke.

      • Sonja Henie-Spinning Jenny!

        Mmm, yes.

    • Science. Health. Satire.

      • Jefe knows, Jefe don’t care B-)

    • Damo

      I agree. If these guys are so smart, why haven’t they created a vaccine for illiteracy or reading non-comprehension?

    • I got the joke, Jefe. I almost didn’t but I got it.