Local bartender Dave MacIntyre is believed to be the first confirmed case of “can’t even” say doctors. Mr. MacIntyre was reading some stories on Facebook when he came across a conspiracy laden post one of his high school friends had shared.
“It was some post about how the government is using nanobots through vaccines to control our minds or something like that” explained MacIntyre. “This was the third or fourth bat shit crazy thing I had read today and I had enough. I can’t even.”
When his family noticed him acting very odd and not evening at all, they became worried and made him go to the hospital.
“We triaged Mr. MacIntyre as emergent and rushed him in right away,” said Dr. Mark Prime. “The patient had lost all ability to even.”
Nurses and doctors say when he was asked to count to ten Mr. MacIntyre only used odd numbers, skipping 2,4,6,8 and 10. Mr. MacIntyre is currently being quarantined in the ICU and is barred from reading any anti-vaccine and conspiracy theory websites for the next 6 months.
