A man has died after he used a metal fork to stir soup. Bob Turner, 52, was heating a can of Campbell’s chunky vegetable on the stove in his Toronto home when he realized that every spoon he owned was laying dirty in his kitchen sink. His son, Chris, was visiting his father when the tragedy unfolded.
A man has died after he used a metal fork to stir soup. Bob Turner, 52, was heating a can of Campbell’s chunky vegetable on the stove in his Toronto home when he realized that every spoon he owned was laying dirty in his kitchen sink. His son, Chris, was visiting his father when the tragedy unfolded. It is understood that Bob opted to use a fork to stir the preservative-laden gloop rather than wash a spoon – a utensil much better suited to the task. In a statement Chris said that his father had ignored previous pleas to refrain from using a fork to stir things, and that “the sound made anyone within 20 feet fall to the ground in pant-soiling agony.”
“My father was a good man, a kind and loving man, but my God if he stirred one more thing in a pot with a fork I’d have probably killed him myself anyway” said Chris, 22.
The official coroner’s report states that Mr. Turner died of “acute heebie-jeebies” brought on by the prolonged sound and feeling of metal on metal. It was also discovered that he suffered from a condition known as Ignorant Bastarditis, a disorder that leaves sufferers unable to identify situations where they’re being incredibly annoying. A spokesman for the Health Board of Canada said: “Stirring things in a pot with a fork is dangerous and apart from a tragic case of ‘the willies’ like this, is likely to get you beaten to death by anyone nearby with a functioning set of ears.”
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