Local man promises to start juice cleanse tomorrow

The wife of Toronto resident Julian Dunkleman has confirmed reports that her 52 year old husband has promised to start a week-long juice cleanse at approximately 7am tomorrow morning. According to Mrs. Dunkleman, the cleanse was slated to begin yesterday but was postponed due to what her husband called a “stressful day at work”. Sources close to the family are skeptical, claiming they’ve heard this kind of rhetoric before.

“His last diet lasted two days. The one before that? Six hours,” laments an anonymous source.

Aware of Dunkleman’s affinity for delis, diners and occasionally fast-food restaurants, his closest friends are reportedly placing bets on how long the cleanse will last. The longest bet so far clocks in at a whopping three days.

“Julian’s in here all the time. He orders 3 eggs, a large stack of pancakes, bacon, sausage, and home fries. We call it the quadruple bypass” quips George Jankowski, late-night cook at a 24-hour greasy-spoon in Dunkleman’s neighborhood.

Dunkleman assures us that he’s serious about getting healthy and that his commitment to this cleanse will be more successful than the last four attempts.

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SP Team

Evil doktor, pharma shill, vaccine chemist, Monsanto spokesperson, GMO lobbyist, chemtrail deployer and false flag organizer.