Local mother Anne Fitzpatrick is devastated that her beloved son, Austin, was turned “into a gay” by this years influenza vaccine. While some are doubting her story, she says he is a completely different person after the shot.
“Before he got his flu shot he was a normal, loving boy. He was the star of his high school drama club, was always on some tool sharpening app on his phone and spent all his free time with his best friend Bruce. The two of them were inseparable.”
While most rational people do not believe that vaccines can change ones sexual orientation, many anti-vaccers do believe this to be true.
“We give kids more shots now than ever before and we have more gay kids than we ever have before. That can’t just be a coincidence,” said homophobic anti-vaccine cult member Christina England. “It’s time to wake up and stop injuring and changing our children’s genetic make-up with toxic vaccines.”
Austin could not be reached for comment as he has apparently moved out of his mother’s house.
