Study: If you are worried about GMOs and vaccines, life is going pretty well for you

science, health, satire, vaccines.

A new study from Yale University revealed that people who worry about GMOs and vaccines have pretty damn good lives. The study surveyed over 5,000 Americans and discovered an inverse correlation between those who worried about these issues and those who had serious problems in their lives.

Lead author of the study, Dr. Steve Groski told The Science Post, “We found that if you worried about GMOs, or vaccines, that pretty much guaranteed you were rich, free of serious health issues, employed, white, and had no legal entanglements. Conversely, when we asked people who had to worry where their next meal or paycheck was coming from, vaccines and GMOs were not even on their radar. Oh, and if you are worried that bras cause cancer or Wifi is dangerous, this pretty much puts you in the top 0.1% of people who are doing just fine.”

Luise Maxwell, one of the respondents in the study, told The Science Post that “our children face an unprecedented threat from toxins foisted on them by negligent corporations. The government agencies which are supposed to be looking out for our children are often run by the same executives who ran these industries. It is the fox guarding the hen house.”

“See, I can tell from that alone that Ms. Maxwell won’t soon be sleeping in a domestic violence shelter or getting up at 4 AM to stand in line with 400 other people to grab one of 10 jobs opening at the Walmart,” said Dr. Groski. “Odds are very high, however, that she worries her deodorant is going to give her breast cancer and that gluten will give her leaky gut syndrome. Those are the things which keep her up at night.”


Proud member of the flock. Possibly evil.