Report: Local mom develops mathematical formula to get 30 minutes of alone time

NEWPORT, RI – Heather Weinstein, local mother to three small children,  has reportedly worked out a mathematical equation in order to get 30 minutes completely to herself. The formula is currently being kept pretty secret by Weinstein, but several area mothers have been calling and begging to get their hands on it.

“Without giving too much away, the formula basically cross references what is on television, percent chance of a sleepover for the kids, post-meal naps, and a few other variables” explained Weinstein. “So far I have had alone time three separate times this week, I think that is some kind of record.”

Hard working mothers across the world know the struggle of always having to “be on”, even when in the bath or shower.

“I thought I would get a least 5 minutes to myself in the shower” said Vanessa Temple, mother of two. “But I have to shower with the curtain half open because my youngest likes to play on the floor while I’m in there.”

There is no word on whether or not Weinstein plans to make her formula public, but busy moms everywhere and crossing their fingers that she does.


Evil doktor, pharma shill, vaccine chemist, Monsanto spokesperson, GMO lobbyist, chemtrail deployer and false flag organizer.