Report: Epidemiologist the sexiest medical profession, homeopath dead last

Report: Epidemiologist the sexiest medical profession, homeopath dead last

In a recent report issued by the American Medical Association, Epidemiologist is the run away winner for sexiest medical profession. Rounding out the top 5 were Nurse, Neurologist, Surgeon and Pediatrician.

“We looked at several different variables” said the AMA’s Dr. Douglas Howser. “And in every category, Epidemiologist came out on top. They are a very sexy bunch.”

Some experts were surprised that Epidemiologists did so well, beating out the pre-season favorite, Nurse.

“We now expect to see “Sexy Epidemiologist” costumes popping up everywhere this Halloween” said costume rental company owner Patrick Bristow.

The bottom 5 sexiest professions were not really a surprise to anyone, they were: Naturopath, Chiropractor, Nutritionist, Osteopath and Homeopath.

As per anything that comes from the AMA, most of the alternative medical professions are not taking this very seriously, as they assume Epidemiologists paid off the AMA to get the results they wanted.

“Considering the AMA says vaccines don’t cause autism, something 80% of doctors admit is a lie, how can we trust them on something like this?” said Naturopath Paul Thero. When questioned about the source of his 80% statistic, Thero dodged the question and instead demanded someone show him a double-blind, placebo-controlled randomized control trial of vaccinated versus un-vaccinated children.

  • Victor Veritas

    If you are looking for a wild night of multivariate regression with a sprinkling of anal lysis, hooking up with a pack of epis is the only way.

  • kfunk937

    What does the “sexy epidemiologist” costume look like? I demand pictures!!!

    • Sonja Henie

      I have an attractive, young red-headed daughter who is an epidemiologist! However, If I posted a picture of her, she’d shoot me. You’ll just have to use your imagination.

      • kfunk937

        You’ll just have to use your imagination.

        Are you sure that’s a good idea? This is the internet, after all. ;-D

        I’m sure she’s gorgeous, and someone to of whom to be proud. Above is j/k.

        Then I tweeted this article to @epiren for the lulz.

        • Sonja Henie

          Oh, I was just joking too, although not about the part of her trying to “shoot ” me if I posted her picture. I should share this with her. You know how in mysteries there’s always a red head, either good or bad!

          • kfunk937

            We gingers hafta stick together. Please convey my regards, if you do.

    • Farmer with a Dell

      I don’t know for sure but I suspect computer spreadsheets and scatter diagrams figure prominently when accessorizing. The pillow talk is really cool, too — sweet nothings like “pandemic”, “droplet spread”, “epidemiologic triad” and “observational study”. Drives ’em crazy every time — ‘let’s consult the bar chart again, then engage in a little observational study, just let nature take it’s course, maybe maximize our person-time rate, really flesh out our frequency polygon’.

      • kfunk937

        OMGOMGOMG. That is sooooo my “type.”

      • shay simmons

        Kiss me, my fool!

        • kfunk937

          Mebbe if you were to offer, in the course of courting, an illustrated Grey’s Anatomy, ballpeen hammer, really cool brass hammer-with-internally-stored screwdrivers unfortunately forged of white-metal disguised as brass, or a 50-piece ratchet set (all things that have happened in my life), we could talk.
          Hah. 😀

          • Farmer with a Dell

            Hey c’mon, nuthin’ says “you’re mine” quite like a MIG welder or a good made in USA dead blow hammer. I can only wish.

          • kfunk937

            Well…are you single? Let’s talk about it.

          • Farmer with a Dell

            Heh, Mark Twain is one of my lifelong inspirations but I pilot at quarter and half twain most of the time, myself.

          • kfunk937

            Letters from the Earth was thing, for me too.

          • Farmer with a Dell

            Some of his lectures and short pieces are worthy, as well. Irreverent. Lived up to the promise on hand bills advertising his speeches: “The trouble starts at eight”

    • shay simmons

      Short, tight lab coat?

      (OT — got the kitten. Didn’t go to LA).

      • kfunk937

        Yeeeeaaaah, but now you’re heading off to other “interesting” places. Congrats on the kitten, though. My older one thinks she’s kitten, even though she’s the loudest, stompiest kat in the universe and I can sneak up on her. Little’uns are so much fun (except for the furniture and drapes).

    • Sexiest medical profession means they show a little skin under the white coat.

  • cable1977

    Dr. George Klooney? C’mon, you’re a really funny website and can do better than that! At least use a real TV doc like Dr. Douglas Howser or Dr. Leonard McCoy!

  • Proponent

    This.. made me howl.

    Danke for that.

    😀