science, health, satire, vaccines.

People with Celiac Disease hold huge thank you parade for “gluten-intolerant” hipsters

in Food Science/News by

NEW YORK, NY – People with Celiac Disease (a genetic autoimmune disorder of the small intestine caused by a reaction to a gluten protein found in wheat) are throwing a huge parade in downtown New York City to thank people who have self-diagnosed themselves as gluten-intolerant.

“Thanks to the gluten-free trend, we have never had so many options available to us in grocery stores and restaurants,” said Maureen Murphy, head of the Celiac Society of New York. “We wanted to do something to say thank you.”

Gluten-intolerant and going gluten-free is the latest and greatest cure-all for everything from irritable bowel syndrome to cancer.

“You can look at literally anyone who has an autoimmune disorder, cancer, IBS, or any other medical condition and they will at some point in their lives have eaten gluten,” said David Avocado Wolfe, non-scientist. “Between gluten, vaccines, chemtrails and GMOs, we as a species have never been so sick. Luckily there are people like me who can rid your body of all these toxins for only a few hundred dollars. You’re welcome.”

The parade is set for this Sunday from 2-4pm and all are welcome. Gluten-free snacks will be served.