ATLANTA, GA – The Spudd has learned that the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are preparing to make a stunning announcement today that they will be firing several high ranking executives and scientists from their vaccine division.
“The CDC is aware of several glaring mistakes made by this department, specifically around vaccine safety” said CDC President Dr. Richard Webber. “We are essentially cleaning house before we clean our vaccines.”
The vacant positions will be filled over the course of 6 months, with a consulting team coming in to assess the various candidates.
“It is clear from just a few hours on the internet that mommy bloggers and parents who are against vaccines are much more knowledgeable than any of the MD’s or PhD’s who have applied for the positions” said Webber. “This is why we will be filling all of our available roles with anti-vaccine parents who write blogs as well as “awake” people who post a lot of Facebook comments on vaccine articles” explained Webber.
Many national and international health organizations are against the move, saying it will cause tremendous health issues in the not so distant future.
“Mommy bloggers and people with Guy Fawkes mask who claim to have “done their research” are not who you should have running your national vaccination program” said Dr. Kelly Smith from the Public Health Agency of Canada. “I mean, maybe your department on GMO research, but not vaccines.”
The CDC is expected to make a full announcement at a press conference later this afternoon.
